Ouch... John Cleese has something to say

[Star Way]

...And if you say you don't know who John Cleese is, I'm going to track you down and send someone over to whack you on the head.

A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of
America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which
she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect: You should look up
"revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up "aluminum," and check the pronunciation guide. You will
be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as "favour" and
"neighbour. Likewise, you will learn to spell "doughnut" without
skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the
suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary
to acceptable levels. (look up "vocabulary").

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let
Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be
adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter "u" and the
elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God
Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns
should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort
things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're
certainly not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you
wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you
will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling "gasoline")-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato
chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in
animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to
as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be
referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen
Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be requi red occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English
dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having
one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds
or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America. Since only 21% of you are aware that there is a
world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK . It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 PM with proper cups, never mugs,
with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese.

[Dylan0513 offline]

Who's John Cleese? lol

[DL offline]

...time for war...*pulls out nuclear launch codes and targets missles*...hell yea b!@^#$

[DarkestSoul X21 offline]

oh, now i know who he is now

[YDV offline]

Uhh.. okay then. Haha. ha. That was a joke right? I didn't find it very funny...

John Cleese? Never heard of him. (BTW he makes a REALLY sucky Mad Mod )

Maybe I should make one where the New Lyoko-American world power takes over Britain. And makes everyone learn all the state capitals, the Difference Between Football and Soccer, and then of course How To Bake Apple Pie.

[Stephen (x1)]

Hah, I do agree with John on many parts...

[YDV offline]

Oh, I figured out that much. If it wasn't then you'd be sure there'd be a big gap From Sea to Shining Sea, since The Government has a secret "Self-Destruct Button Only For Use When A Monty Python Actor Hands Sovreignty To The UK" because once that happened the only reasonable solution would be to blow ourselves up. (Oh wait I wasn't supposed to tell you that. You're not a citizen *cocks gun* lol)

EDIT:

Hah, I do agree with John on many parts...

....TREASON, I SAY!! *cocks bigger gun* (Hail the Second Amendment! lol jk, I hate guns...)

[YDV offline]

Quite. I bet we could go on for days discussing the minor details, but for now let's just praise our citizenship as residents of the Human Race, Earth, and The Almighty Fandom of LyokoFreak! *initiate fanfare!! ...cricket cricket*

Or.. we could you know, talk about what you said. That works too.

Mindset differences, eh? I'm not quite sure what you mean... I mean, I do, but I think you mean like the way we think.. I'm only an expert on how American teenagers think (Mostly. Well, let's cut it down even more. Southwestern Ohioan Teenagers.)

The guns thing, then? Well I remember my English teacher was showing us a slideshow of when she took some of her students on a summer trip to London, and they took a picture of a pickpocketer being arresteed-- apparently that's much more prevalent there-- and the police officers using.. um... sticks. I don't mean to offend anyone but we did find it kind of funny.. ^-^;

[MY85 offline]

I know who's John Cleese, but I never knew he was famous for MPFC. I didn't knew that existed (neither in a spanish version) 'til SamBlob started talking about it at TvTome... one can never know about everything, that I can say in my defense.

If the UK takes over USA... you will learn to hate Argentina!! Please blow up River Plate FC. J/k...

15. You must tell us who killed JFK . It's been driving us mad.

Lol!! Btw, when did that letter happened?

[magnus4001 offline]

Wait a minute! A guy who comes from the country that elected Tony Blair into power (twice!) is accusng the States of being unable to properly govern iteself! I wonder if the irony of that was intentional...

[Snarky Jargon offline]

Ahaha! I remember this!

Although the John Cleese guy is new. If I recall, this made its way around the net a few years ago (...or... more recently, my memory is ramshackled). Just a little something to make people laugh.

[DL offline]

Captain's Log, supplemental;

DL has just by jis actions confirmed point #5, thereby removing all hope the USA has of redeeming itself. The Reconquista commences immediately!

Love and Peace from across the Atlantic.

that is it *aims missles at TB3*

[YDV offline]

I guess I can sorta understand why you'd be freaked if you've never actually seen a real gun before.. I haven't really either, except on police officers of course. But it's not like they go around shooting everyone who jaywalks or anything like that.. they only actually use them in dangerous situations like you said.

I do want to go on vaca (shut up im an ohioan) to England one day. Partly because I want to see how green the grass is (in that slideshow everyone was like WHY IS THE GRASS SO GREEN?!) and partly because I want to see if they really -do- drink tea everyday. What? No those are NOT stupid reasons!

[Lotho offline]

I included the last to try and convince you to come on holiday here in Britain as it really is beautiful and we have some great attractions. I'd love to go abroad but my heart is always here.

Thats the funny thing about being born in a country, our family, freinds, and educators instill such a sense of pride into us. How proud an American feels to be American; God bless the USA How proud the English feel to be English; God save the Queen. I remember when I used to be like that; I miss it.

[DL offline]

missles, as in more than one thermal nuclear warhead. tsh like I would not plan ahead, oh there is a nuclear bunker buster in there too

[YDV offline]

*Cough cough*

I hereby declare Un Monde Sans Danger as the national anthem of The Almighty Fandom of LyokoFreak. I took the initiative because if I held a plebescite it'd undoubtedly win anyway

..As opposed to, say, "The Star Way Spangled Banner" or "God Save The Administrator" (no offense Erynn lol)

[DL offline]

AMEN! All hail LyokoFreak in all her glory! And Eyrnn so she wont kill us all!

[SamBlob offline]

Real chips, or French fries, or whatsoever, taste quite good with mayonnaise, actually. I first learned about this when I read a world atlas of motor racing tracks in the entry on Zandvoort in the Netherlands. This Dutch tradition is also mentioned in the movie Pulp Fiction. Jules, as played by Samuel L. Jackson, recoils at the very idea, but he wouldn't if he tried it...