What Happened At The Pool (my version)

[Malkmusian offline]

Well, Lunar Knight Brandon has negatively reviewed both my stories, saying that they suck, but I asked him what was wrong with "Some Gift From Heaven". Here's the story that started it all (and also made some laugh). It's a oneshot and it's my fictional interpretation of what happened at the pool. Don't take this seriously, because I believe another idea: XANA used a lifeguard to attack and rip Ulrich's trunks, so this story is basically what popped in my head:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3668164/1/The_Pool_Incident

Please review it. Flames will be used to roast Hot n' Now (search that up on YouTube; you also get an early Pantera video from the 1980s) hamburgers.

[Kamekai offline]

After all the typos, misspellings, and bad grammar, there's really nothing to review.


not really.

actually, after all the typos, misspellings, and bad grammar, it's an okay story, not awesome, not suckish. just... average. but, I never could really get into short stories, anyway.

[Malkmusian offline]

After all the typos, misspellings, and bad grammar, there's really nothing to review.


not really.

actually, after all the typos, misspellings, and bad grammar, it's an okay story, not awesome, not suckish. just... average. but, I never could really get into short stories, anyway.

Mainly, what's causing the misspellings is my Internet blocker. It'll block some words. Oh, and my stupid Word program has a spellchecker, so I have to spell "correctly", if you call wrong "correct". Anyways, I do type good....do you call Jeremy, as in Jeremy Belpois, a misspelling, or Wonky Willa (my acid-induced parody of Willy Wonka)?

[Kamekai offline]

and causing his s to be cut

I now understand why.The Internet proxy-blocker-thingie. try using Google proxy as a get-around.

“Why are you on acid?” She

Grammar. Should be what. (Unless he was asking why. )

I don't even though I do say "Jeremie."

Also, I use Google Toolbar Spellcheck. I just click a button, it scans any textbox, and it shows in red any word that is misspelled, and right click it for suggestions. I try to do that before every post.

[Malkmusian offline]

It won't let me bypass it unless if I can copy the text on some other's computer and replace the chapter with some rewritten crap.

Anyways, back on topic?

[matsumo itsu offline]

i didnt even read it all and all i have to say is it was horrible. 1,000foot diving board? the y. why would the life guard put on sunscreen inside? there are alot of questions just from the first few paragraphs. probably about 4-5.

[zex marquise offline]

WHAT THE (BEEP)? Malkmusian, have you been smoking that Silverchair-pot again? You know it's not good for you. I read through the whole thing. I couldn't stop. I was like, "AHHHHH! MYYYY SIIIIDES!" As a fanfic, it was worse than Half-Life: Full Life Consequences but not as bad as that one Harry Potter fanfic. As the world's first official acid trip that you read, it was an outstanding success. This fanfic get's the Marquise Foundation Seal of Approval for being accidentally hilarious. Everyone needs to read this.

[JesusFreak offline]

One Smiley says it all: . What was that?!

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

I left my review there. But admittedly, I'll give you some points for all the things you DIDN'T do wrong that made it better than the others.

[Kamekai offline]

Yeah, I couldn't stop reading, it either, wacked as it was. But you have to look past all of the typos, misspellings, bad grammer, messed-up proportions, and *slightly* unorthodox scenes, and it is a pretty okay short story. Here's what I came up with:

“Well, I’ll see you later.” Aelita replies, “Okay. Have fun!”

I must say, alot better than most fanfics I've seen these days.
(except for a few that were actually worth reading)

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

Yes, but you also have to remember how very rare a good one is. I'd say it's right in the middle between close to good and absolute worse.

But I could not follow the story for my life.

[Tekirai offline]

... I think the 503 error (which I've never heard of before) my browser vomitted the first time I tried to review displays my opinion pretty well.

[Kamekai offline]

hmm... normally I get 504 errors. Strange...

[Lyoko SA80 offline]

? I don't really understand it .What can I say .I can see you humour part but It's not really funny try buliding it up .It a really good try .I know if you try a bit harder you make a great one

[Malkmusian offline]

I'm not really that humorous. It was meant to be a ridiculous story about something that they may talk about more in Season 4 within a flashback.

Anyways, I'm done making that story. Will you please review my other stories, including that 30-chapter one?

[Kamekai offline]

30... chapters? 30 whole friggin chapters!? I thought you were supposed to have a short attention span! 30 chapters?!

[Malkmusian offline]

Not everybody has one, kamekai. I don't, but I like to write a weird short story.

[Kamekai offline]

I sure do!

[Malkmusian offline]

I sure do!

Aren't you going to read that other story?

[Kamekai offline]

Yeah, but I have too much to do today. Even though I have absolutely nothing to do, I found out that I have too much to do. wait--


anyways can you post a link?

[Malkmusian offline]

Here you go, kamekai:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3201654/1/Some_Gift_From_Heaven