Code Lyoko meets Halo

[SilverPrince offline]

I've finally started it! Click the "CL meets Halo" banner by the oh-so-cool Carth or, if you're too lazy, here:

http://codexana.net/lyokofreak/lff/view ... &warning=3

READ! (please)

[Carth]

I guess since I made the banner, I'll read it...I know zilch about Halo, but I'll see if I can weasel my way through. Bet it'll pwn.

Edit: It DOES pwn! Haha...I loved that last paragraph where they were ogling Cortana. Awesome. You're a good writer.

[SilverPrince offline]

Thank you! As I said, this wasn't my first try with this, and I think this is the best try yet... of course when I first tried it, Halo 2 wasn't even out, which is why this is CL meets Halo, not CL meets Halo 2.

Edit: OMG. MY 666th POST!

[Sithking Zero offline]

Sweet.

Keep writing them or I SHALL DESTROY YOU!!!

Or at least go Samus, Master Chief, and Jango Fett on your rear.

[Shark offline]

It's off to a good start! I can't wait for the next chapter!

[SilverPrince offline]

Thank you all for your compliments, and Chapter 2, "Exploration" is now up. READ! Please.

[Gauntlet offline]

A couple of things I would like to mention. You might want to separate each speaker--give them their own line, then move onto the next speaker and address them in their own line. You may also want to avoid info dumps. While they are helpful, it turns into a bit of a drone when you start reading an essay. That means dropping the several paragraphs, and spread the information as it comes along, reserving it mainly when you need to explain it for a scene to make sense, instead of dropping it all at once.

Though this one might just be my personal taste, and an exception to the rule in this case, I would try to avoid explaining each character's outfit. You did a nice job explaining Aelita's; it was very short and created an image while allowing some imagination (for the reader who is not informed of Code: Lyoko), but I do understand how difficult it is to create character images for the reader while allowing imagination and still putting a stable picture in their head. Lastly, I'd like to hear the characters' personal thoughts, instead of the narrator explaining it to the reader; it'd add a smidgen of personalization.

I don't want this to come across as negative criticism or anything; I like the story, and would like to see more.

[SilverPrince offline]

A couple of things I would like to mention. You might want to separate each speaker--give them their own line, then move onto the next speaker and address them in their own line. You may also want to avoid info dumps. While they are helpful, it turns into a bit of a drone when you start reading an essay. That means dropping the several paragraphs, and spread the information as it comes along, reserving it mainly when you need to explain it for a scene to make sense, instead of dropping it all at once.

Though this one might just be my personal taste, and an exception to the rule in this case, I would try to avoid explaining each character's outfit. You did a nice job explaining Aelita's; it was very short and created an image while allowing some imagination (for the reader who is not informed of Code: Lyoko), but I do understand how difficult it is to create character images for the reader while allowing imagination and still putting a stable picture in their head. Lastly, I'd like to hear the characters' personal thoughts, instead of the narrator explaining it to the reader; it'd add a smidgen of personalization.

I don't want this to come across as negative criticism or anything; I like the story, and would like to see more.

I know I have a problem with giving too much information at one time, I try to fix it but I can't help it...but you should have seen some of my early works of writing... and I do have a problem with narrating. Thanks for the help.

[Gauntlet offline]

A couple of things I would like to mention. You might want to separate each speaker--give them their own line, then move onto the next speaker and address them in their own line. You may also want to avoid info dumps. While they are helpful, it turns into a bit of a drone when you start reading an essay. That means dropping the several paragraphs, and spread the information as it comes along, reserving it mainly when you need to explain it for a scene to make sense, instead of dropping it all at once.

Though this one might just be my personal taste, and an exception to the rule in this case, I would try to avoid explaining each character's outfit. You did a nice job explaining Aelita's; it was very short and created an image while allowing some imagination (for the reader who is not informed of Code: Lyoko), but I do understand how difficult it is to create character images for the reader while allowing imagination and still putting a stable picture in their head. Lastly, I'd like to hear the characters' personal thoughts, instead of the narrator explaining it to the reader; it'd add a smidgen of personalization.

I don't want this to come across as negative criticism or anything; I like the story, and would like to see more.

I know I have a problem with giving too much information at one time, I try to fix it but I can't help it...but you should have seen some of my early works of writing... and I do have a problem with narrating. Thanks for the help.

Believe me, it takes a great deal of self-restraint as a writer. Even a couple of months ago, I was so happy with my info dumps that I just left them there. I recently pulled them out, and almost cried. Thankfully, no one has ever seen them, hah.

I understand how hard it is to work on a project like this alone; the stress of working on my own work is almost overwhelming to the point where I have to move very slowly. I have to take breaks from writing every couple of days for a week or so, otherwise, I look over common mistakes, get tired of it, and keep having the same outlook on my work, which can also deeply affect how your work appears to yourself, and then to others.

Anyways, if you need someone to review, critic, or edit/revise, you can send me a PM. I've got a couple of links I can send you that have really helped out my own writing, if you want, too.

[SilverPrince offline]

I am so sorry for the near two week wait, but Chapter Three, "Rip the Cloth Anew" is now up! I know, such a long wait but such a short chapter, I usually aim for 2,000 words but it's hard to write from the <s>split-lip</s> <s>Covvie</s> Covenant point of view...