DeadViolet wrote:I've always been sort of a loner-type, I like spending time by myself to work on whatever I wanna, and I have very few close friends.
Whenever I get around people I don't know, I clam up and get very nervous.
I think it really started when I was in high school, every Friday night a few friends and I would go to the American Legion for dance night. I'd stand outside, bumming cigarettes off people and trying to scout out potential friends or lovers. But, within an hour, I'd usually end up having a panic attack, crying and feeling disillusioned.
I never went back there after high school. I felt like I didn't belong.
One incident, me and my friend Amber went to go see a movie, and Amber spots some of her friends after the film. I got nervous, so I insisted that we get leaving because I was hungry, but she wanted to stay. I hung back, but then I ended up trying to make small talk with her pals, and ended up looking like an idiot.
This type of incident has always happened with "friends of friends". I remember, I was at Joey's birthday party, I never talked, when I did I sounded extremely akward, and I clung to my now-ex the whole time.
Now I have a boyfriend. He's intelligent, freaking insane; but he also doesn't have the best family. He told me about his dad who's a sociopath (based on what he's told me) with an STD. He's a totes shady character, and when I finally met him, I didn't make any eye contact and spoke only two-word sentences.
Memphis told me afterward that his father thinks I have mental issues because I barely spoke. I told him the truth was that he f***ing terrified me.
I went over to his house back in April, his dad and grandmother were there, I did the same thing I'd done last time and totally withdrew.
The most recent incident was I had to drop my BF off at his grandparents, he asked me I wanted to meet his grandparents, he claimed they were really redneck, so I'm like "Why not....Let's get it over with..." Right before we got to the door, I stopped and I started tearing up, he turns to mand motions me on. I start to cry voice is getting warbly, I'm like "I c-can't do it..." I wanted to bolt out of there and just get out. He ended up walking me back to the car and calming me down. I later apologized to him.
Memphis thinks I'm just "making a mountain out of a molehill" or "overthinking". He's extremely logical...He says it'll take time.
I really don't know what's wrong with me. If I had Aspergers (No eye contact when speaking is a symptom), I'm pretty sure I'd have been diagnosed by now. The mother of a very close pal (Pal has Aspergers) told me that I may have it, I told her I didn't.
I can't even make conversation with the neighbors or my mom's Garden Club friends. I don't know how to talk to them!
Guys, what do you think it is?
Social anxiety or overthinking? Aspergers?
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