The blonde joke to end all blonde jokes.

[The BB of C offline]

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A blonde called her old boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or
how to start it.

Her old boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it' s
finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her old boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over
the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box,
then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're
not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling
a tiger.

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of hot chocolate
and then..........., he sighed.......



"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."



Try to top that.

[KayLenny#7 offline]

And yet this girl was smart enough to dial her boyfriend's number?

That doesn't make any sense.

[TL.]

On a plane bound for New-York, the flight attendant approaches a blonde woman in 1st class and asks her to move to economy since she doesn't have a 1st class ticket. The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I’m beautiful, I'm going to New York and I’m not moving'. The flight attendant asks the co-pilot to speak with her but again, the blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I’m beautiful, I'm going to New York and I’m not moving'. The co-pilot asks the captain what he should do. The captain says 'I'm married to a blonde, I know how to handle this'. He goes and whispers in the blonde's ear and she immediately jumps up and returns to the economy section. 'That was amazing! What did you say?' asked the flight attendant. The captain replies, 'I told her 1st class wasn’t going to New York1'

[Darkborn offline]

What do you call 11 blondes standing next to eachother ear to ear.....Windtunnel..

[Jeremie Lover offline]

How does a Blonde like her eggs?

Feterlized

[TL.]

I've got 9 pages of blonde joke

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning? Tell her a joke on Friday night.

How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in A circular room and tell her to find the corner.

If you dropped a blonde and a brunette 100ft, how would hit the ground first? The brunette, as the blonde stops to ask for directions.

What do you call a blonde how dyes her hair? Artificial intelligence.

What is the mating call of a blonde? I'm ssooo drunck. What the mating call of a ugly blonde? I'MMM SSOOOOO DDRRUUUNNNCCKKK!!!!!!

[Jeremified offline]

I've got 9 pages of blonde joke

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning? Tell her a joke on Friday night.

How do you keep a blonde busy all day? Put her in A circular room and tell her to find the corner.

If you dropped a blonde and a brunette 100ft, how would hit the ground first? The brunette, as the blonde stops to ask for directions.

What do you call a blonde how dyes her hair? Artificial intelligence.

What is the mating call of a blonde? I'm ssooo drunck. What the mating call of a ugly blonde? I'MMM SSOOOOO DDRRUUUNNNCCKKK!!!!!!

Lol! Those were pretty good.

I... umm... don't really have any blonde jokes.

[Skysong offline]

I used to know so many of these...

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

A brunette was standing in the middle of a road yelling "Seventy-seven!" over and over again. A blonde came over to her and asked, "Why do you keep yelling seventy-seven?" The brunette said, "Stand where I am and you'll see." The blonde did, and a few minutes later a semi ran her over. The brunette came back to the middle of the road and started yelling, "Seventy-eight!"

[Mewberries151]

I don't really like the "dumb blonde" stereotype...just since it's really quite untrue. The joke I'm posting below I've heard adapted into "heritage" versions as well, but I've mostly heard it as a "blonde" joke.

A Blond, a Brunette, and a Red-Head had visited a foreign country together and had gotten themselves into some serious trouble. They'd been tried (rather unfairly) and were sentenced to death by a firing squad. As the firing squad lines up the three are each desperately trying to come up with a way to escape. The red-head is the first to think of a way out.

The firing squad is ready and the captain of the squad calls out, "Ready! Aim!"

All of a sudden the red-head points behind them and shouts out, "TORNADO!!!". The firing squad all scatter, looking behind them to see, and the red-head manages to escape in the confusion. This display subsequently gives the brunette an idea.

The firing squad reassembles and the captain calls out, "Ready! Aim!" The Brunette shouts out, "FLOOD!!!". The firing squad again scatters and in the chaos the brunette escapes. Seeing the examples of the other two, the Blonde knows she'll be able to escape that way too.

The firing squad regroups for a second time, and the captain of the guard is about to call out orders. "Ready! Aim!"

The blonde smiles knowingly. "FIRE!!!" she shouts.

[Jeremified offline]

I don't really like the "dumb blonde" stereotype...just since it's really quite untrue. The joke I'm posting below I've heard adapted into "heritage" versions as well, but I've mostly heard it as a "blonde" joke.

A Blond, a Brunette, and a Red-Head had visited a foreign country together and had gotten themselves into some serious trouble. They'd been tried (rather unfairly) and were sentenced to death by a firing squad. As the firing squad lines up the three are each desperately trying to come up with a way to escape. The red-head is the first to think of a way out.

The firing squad is ready and the captain of the squad calls out, "Ready! Aim!"

All of a sudden the red-head points behind them and shouts out, "TORNADO!!!". The firing squad all scatter, looking behind them to see, and the red-head manages to escape in the confusion. This display subsequently gives the brunette an idea.

The firing squad reassembles and the captain calls out, "Ready! Aim!" The Brunette shouts out, "FLOOD!!!". The firing squad again scatters and in the chaos the brunette escapes. Seeing the examples of the other two, the Blonde knows she'll be able to escape that way too.

The firing squad regroups for a second time, and the captain of the guard is about to call out orders. "Ready! Aim!"

The blonde smiles knowingly. "FIRE!!!" she shouts.

Sorry, BB of C...
ROFL!!!!! THAT'S TOO FUNNY!!!!

[Mewberries151]

Boo-yah! Thanks! ^_^

[SamBlob offline]

How does a Blonde like her eggs?

Feterlized

Someone who cannot spell "fertilized" should not tell blonde jokes.

I don't really like the "dumb blonde" stereotype...just since it's really quite untrue. The joke I'm posting below I've heard adapted into "heritage" versions as well, but I've mostly heard it as a "blonde" joke.

A Blond, a Brunette, and a Red-Head had visited a foreign country together and had gotten themselves into some serious trouble. They'd been tried (rather unfairly) and were sentenced to death by a firing squad. As the firing squad lines up the three are each desperately trying to come up with a way to escape. The red-head is the first to think of a way out.

The firing squad is ready and the captain of the squad calls out, "Ready! Aim!"

All of a sudden the red-head points behind them and shouts out, "TORNADO!!!". The firing squad all scatter, looking behind them to see, and the red-head manages to escape in the confusion. This display subsequently gives the brunette an idea.

The firing squad reassembles and the captain calls out, "Ready! Aim!" The Brunette shouts out, "FLOOD!!!". The firing squad again scatters and in the chaos the brunette escapes. Seeing the examples of the other two, the Blonde knows she'll be able to escape that way too.

The firing squad regroups for a second time, and the captain of the guard is about to call out orders. "Ready! Aim!"

The blonde smiles knowingly. "FIRE!!!" she shouts.

I heard that one as a Michael Manley joke, with Jimmy Carter as the first one and Margaret Thatcher as the second (also with different first and second disasters).

I prefer lawyer jokes, actually. My favourite lawyer joke goes like this: Why don't lawyer jokes work? Because lawyers don't think they're funny and no one else thinks they're jokes.

Not so much a joke as a fiction idea: An intelligent, cynical and sarcastic young woman was so moved by a victim of prejudice's defiance and insistence on living his life as he is that she shaved her head. The shock that this caused at her office was repeated when her hair started to grow back and everyone realized that she was not a brunette, as everyone thought, but blonde.

Elvis Presley had blond hair. He dyed it black.

So does Winona Ryder, although this does not help the cause of blondes.

[The BB of C offline]

I don't really like the "dumb blonde" stereotype...just since it's really quite untrue. The joke I'm posting below I've heard adapted into "heritage" versions as well, but I've mostly heard it as a "blonde" joke.

A Blond, a Brunette, and a Red-Head had visited a foreign country together and had gotten themselves into some serious trouble. They'd been tried (rather unfairly) and were sentenced to death by a firing squad. As the firing squad lines up the three are each desperately trying to come up with a way to escape. The red-head is the first to think of a way out.

The firing squad is ready and the captain of the squad calls out, "Ready! Aim!"

All of a sudden the red-head points behind them and shouts out, "TORNADO!!!". The firing squad all scatter, looking behind them to see, and the red-head manages to escape in the confusion. This display subsequently gives the brunette an idea.

The firing squad reassembles and the captain calls out, "Ready! Aim!" The Brunette shouts out, "FLOOD!!!". The firing squad again scatters and in the chaos the brunette escapes. Seeing the examples of the other two, the Blonde knows she'll be able to escape that way too.

The firing squad regroups for a second time, and the captain of the guard is about to call out orders. "Ready! Aim!"

The blonde smiles knowingly. "FIRE!!!" she shouts.

I may be headstrong but I'm not dumb. That blew me right out of the water. Nice one!

[Aceilikeeggs offline]

And yet this girl was smart enough to dial her boyfriend's number?

That doesn't make any sense.

Speeddial possibly?

[Jeremie Lover offline]

How does a Blonde like her eggs?

Feterlized

Someone who cannot spell "fertilized" should not tell blonde jokes.

Well sorry Mr. Stop everyone that can't spell

[Metrion offline]

I'm not very good at these...

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

OR

Give her a knife and ask her who's special.


A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island fourty miles from shore. The brunette swims twenty-five miles to shore, gets tired, and drowns. The redhead swims thirty-two miles to shore, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde swims thirty-nine miles to shore, gets tired, and swims back.

[TB3]

lol - okay, here's my weaking submissions.

1.
Two blondes walk into a building - you'd think one of them would have seen it!

2.
What do you call a blonde who's died her hair another colour? - Artificial Intelligence

3.
How are a blonde and a half-drunk bottle of beer the same? - They're both empty from the neck up

Lameo - but I like em

[TL.]

2.
What do you call a blonde who's died her hair another colour? - Artificial Intelligence

I did that one!

[The BB of C offline]

This was my friend's.

What's similar between a beer bottle and a blonde? They're both empty from the neck up.

[Skysong offline]

I don't believe in the stereotype, I just find these hilarious.

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are running from the police. They run into a barn and hide in three different sacks on the ground. When the police come in, they kick the bag with the brunette to see what's in it. The brunette thinks fast and starts barking. "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies," says one of the cops. They kick the bag with the redhead in it. She starts meowing. "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens!" They kick the bag with the blonde, and she starts saying, "Potatoes, potatoes!"

[The BB of C offline]

Good old Sean. Always can count on him to make you laugh. Especially in this area.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her mail would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What's a blondes' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy, and they taste good.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

[SamBlob offline]

BBofC, this is General Discussion. You might want to revise that joke list.

[The BB of C offline]

I didn't read all of them (class starts up in litterally 45 seconds) I don't have time to read them. Is there something bad in there? I'll fix it when I get about 10 free minutes.

[Mewberries151]

I didn't read all of them (class starts up in litterally 45 seconds) I don't have time to read them. Is there something bad in there? I'll fix it when I get about 10 free minutes.

The ones with serious "hanky panky" connotations you might want to edit out, definitely, among others. That's really only allowed in BKO, sorry. ^^

[The BB of C offline]

Yeah, my friend Sean put them on my forum and there are hardly any rules there. So I thought because he's a funny guy that you would like them. Carelessly, I copy them here. I think I read the first two. I'm going to go take care of the bad ones right now.