Out of place.

[Little Vili offline]

I feel like a load of sh*t right now. I go to school, and it feels like everyone hates me. This isnt the first time it's happened, and the people I tell this too say that what I think isnt true, that kids do like me. Even if they do, it makes no difference, because I feel like the biggest out cast in my school. Yes, I do have friends, but that too has its problems. All my friends are connected to the "in" crowd, and Im the only one who isnt. I dont know why people dont like me (or why I feel that way). I feel like everyone around me is "above" me (I even feel like Im at a lower level even with my friends).

Sure, go ahead, say I need counceling. I do, but it doesnt solve your problems, because your still stuck with them. I feel like I should just stop talking to everyone. D*mn, I feel lost.

The only time I get to see my friends is in lunch, and even then, I dont really talk to them. I do have one friend who comes over, and we hang out and do stuff, but I feel so small (emotionally). Just about every kid in the school is liked by a large handful of people, yet Im one of the unlucky few that isnt.

Sure, I could hang out with kids that arent "in", that I dont feel above or below, but I HATE them. They act so stupid and childish (and they're even in my grade). I think they should be in 8th or 9th grade by the way they act (no offence to anyone here who is).

No one comes right out to dis me (so long as I dont do anything they consider stupid...which is all I have to do is talk in social studies, and I know a hand full of people who just want to say "shut up!!". Only two people like me in that class (girls, who I have come to know), but they're not people I hang out with out side of class (I cant really anyway)).

I want to cry it all out, though I dont know what that will do. I also want to take all my anger out on something, but I cant, because I have nothing to take it out on. I've discussed this over on "Distance" and cantthinkofausername helped me on the matter. But, somehow it struck back again (it has a few times, but nothing this big in a while). I went to the crosscountry meet today, and I felt intimidated by everyone who was there.

I feel really insecure about myself. I also feel that how I dress doesnt express who I am. So more or less, I really hate myself too. I hate the way I look, dress, act, and ect. I have no life, and am not good at anything really. I am trying to get in shape, and learn drawing through my "how to draw manga" book. Both are going well, except for today, because of this sudden feeling. Its kinda funny how I was doing fine till I got home, but hey, I guess anything canhappen.

I hope I didnt bore you guys too much with all this reading about my social life and stuff, but I just had to get as much as I could off my chest. I say that no matter how much physical pain your in, even if all the bones in your body have been broken multiple times, nothing compares to feeling like you dont matter worth a sh*t to anyone else. I want to look and be different...I wish I wasnt who I was, and I always wonder why God made me this way.

[Stephen (x1)]

I know how you feel. I too was once in the "out" crowd...
What you need to do is just try to make as many friends as possible, even though it's tough. Try an online service and maybe you'll find a friend near you who has similar interests...It can't be that hard in New York (a big place), as it isn't hard here in Virginia.

I took no offense to that immature comment, BTW. The kids in my grade mostly are immature, and I don't like them much. I know they say to be yourself, but try to be somebody else for a day or two. Buy some new clothes, like goth stuff, or something like that. A whole new style. Try a new haircut, dye it a nicer color, do something new with it. Act different, even if you have to go "wigger." Just see how people react, and maybe someday you'll find what you like...

I have no life, and am not good at anything really. I am trying to get in shape, and learn drawing through my "how to draw manga" book.

Are you kidding? You're the best artist I know, from what I've seen...(see his Aelita pic!!!) I will post that Aelita pic soon Vili so that anyone who hasn't seen it can appreciate the work.

You wonder why God made you this way? I know it's old, but you are meant to do something? What are your interests? You could become an American Manga Artist and create something huge like MegaTokyo. Who knows? One day I'll be hearing about you in magazines and on TV, I just know it.

I hope I didnt bore you guys too much with all this reading about my social life and stuff, but I just had to get as much as I could off my chest.

This actually made me want to do more with my life, thanks Vili.

I hope I was of some help, if not, at least I tried...

[Yizzy offline]

Omg vili,I've been in a similar state,I felt like a loner I didnt like to lead nor follow.The only friends I had always had alot of closer friends.I dont know,I tried to get involved in different sports and activities.

Your right,counceling doesnt help.I feel very sorry for what you are going through.I too,used to hate my looks and styles...eventually I actually started to like it again.

I really cant give you the right advice.As much as I hate to say it...I think your the only one who can solve this problem, a way you would like it work out.Again,I'm sorry and I hope things clear up,the way you act here is very unique and I'm sure that your rather friendly inside & outside.

[GOGOLINIICHAN! offline]

Vili... right now I am going to sound so mean... but honestly it's the truth and I'm just doing this cuz I love ya (in a sisterly/friend way).

Get over yourself.

Seriously. I am not trying to be offensive or trying to call you a whiner or a baby or anything like that... but you just need to get over yourself. Basically, you felt left out once and maybe didn't have friends for a while, and now you're so stuck in that "I'm alone" mindset that you can't get yourself out of it, even now that you have friends.

Think about this story my mom told me she heard on some self-help show. This girl was molested when she was really young and it traumatized her. However, she is now like 30 and still can't get over it, when it's been proven that the average amount of time it takes for a person to get over a serious experience like that is about 10 years max. So, everyday, people will ask her, "So, how was your day?" And she will say, "Well, it was good... until I went to my help group for molested people."

"OMG, how long ago did that happen to you?"
"About 20 years..."

Do you really wanna be like that, Vili? I know that your situation is not as drastic as that but it's just like what you're doing.

"So how was your day?"
"Great... but it felt like all of the kids excluded me..."

You said yourself you have friends. Don't let them intimidate you. They wouldn't be hanging out with you if they didn't like you. And look at it this way, you gotta just be yourself and think that there's no reason they should dislike you. Because you wanna know what--if you get nervous, you will say stupid things that you wouldn't normally say and then people might be irritated with you. But if you just be yourself and are confident.. people WILL like you.

From what I see here, you're a really nice kid who wants everyone to feel like they belong. You're the kinda kid who, if you saw someone sitting alone, would ask them to hang out with you. You're funny and you've ultimately got a good outlook on life... there is no reason why these kids wouldn't like you. Just be yourself.

[Little Vili offline]

I know they say to be yourself, but try to be somebody else for a day or two. Buy some new clothes, like goth stuff, or something like that. A whole new style. Try a new haircut, dye it a nicer color, do something new with it.

Actually, that is exactly what I am going to do. Im not going to go goth, but I am going to buy new clothes. Im also letting my hair grow out as well. I just hope it looks good, because you can change you hair and your clothes, but unless you have lots of money, you cant change your face. Here's what my basic wardrobe is going to look like next year (that, and no-clothing accessories):

-A brown "ELEMENT" hoodie.

-Baggy (faded glory) cargo pants (like ulrich's but thats not why...it just happens to look like his...except mine will me brown, not forest green).

-Grow out my hair past my eys, and stop spiking it.

-DC skateboarding shoes (I have vans right now, but I like DC better).

-contacts (I dont like my glasses anymore...and Im blind as hell w/ out them).

-chain necklace (bling bling...lol).

Im not sure if I want to dye my hair (again). My hair is brown, but I did dye it blonde at one time.

Are you kidding? You're the best artist I know, from what I've seen...(see his Aelita pic!!!) I will post that Aelita pic soon Vili so that anyone who hasn't seen it can appreciate the work.

thanks dude for saying that. but what I mean is free hand art, what I did was look at it and draw it. I want to get to know other styles so I can find whats best for me, and thanks for wanting to put it up here.

You could become an American Manga Artist and create something huge like MegaTokyo. Who knows? One day I'll be hearing about you in magazines and on TV, I just know it.

lol, thats some wishful thinking right there. My real dream for a while was to be a graphics designer for square enix (FF rulez)...and still is (though I might change my mind). I've just wanted to be able to draw for a long time, and now Im putting effort into it. Yep, next year is my revolutionary year.

I had always had alot of closer friends.I dont know,I tried to get involved in different sports and activities.

Im joing crosscountry next year, and Im running and dieting to get in shape now. I want to do my best, and show others Im not some slow loser (that I am now...Im not slow, but I cant run for very long).

You said yourself you have friends. Don't let them intimidate you. They wouldn't be hanging out with you if they didn't like you.

Linii...even though what you said could be classified as mean, you are right in more ways than some (Im not just talking about this one quote either)

You have taken the direct approach in assesing the situation, something most people dont do because they dont want to be rude, but sometimes it just has to be done. always saying "there there, its all right" wont help, sometimes you do need to say "dude, if you want a change...get out there and make it." What Im not doing is crying about it, hoping someone will feel sorry for me. I just simply wanted to express what I was going through, and I felt that writing was a good way.

Thank you all who have replied and tried to help (you all have), I know that once I finish this post, others may have replied, but this was a dozy with all the quoting (and I was talking to Linii on aim too).

[GOGOLINIICHAN! offline]

Linii...even though what you said could be classified as mean, you are right in more ways than some (Im not just talking about this one quote either)

I'm sorry... see, if I had been talking to you IRL, it wouldn't have seemed mean because of my tone of voice... internet's crappy like that. So I'm sorry if you thought I was being a meanie... lol.

You have taken the direct approach in assesing the situation, something most people dont do because they dont want to be rude, but sometimes it just has to be done. always saying "there there, its all right" wont help, sometimes you do need to say "dude, if you want a change...get out there and make it." What Im not doing is crying about it, hoping someone will feel sorry for me. I just simply wanted to express what I was going through, and I felt that writing was a good way.

Oh, I totally understood that you weren't whining about your life. I was just trying to give you some honest advice... and I did offer some of that "there there" stuff too (and not just for the sake of doing it... I meant what I said--about you being nice and funny and all).

I'm always here if ya need any support, Vili... just listen to what everyone here's been saying and you'll be okay.

[Little Vili offline]

cantthinkofausername said some really good stuff over at distance...anyone know that link?...I want to put up what he said.

[Stephen (x1)]

http://getaforum.com/phpbb2/index.php?mforum=distance

Don't remember which thread, but I do remember it. (and some pop-up with naughty stuff came up)

[Little Vili offline]

thanks...I looked yestersay for the thread it was on, but I couldnt find it.

[OB-waN offline]

OK Vili, It's time for a LITTLE TOUGH LOVE!!!!! :guns: Look, I am your best friend and I whould never hurt you but, you treat your life as it's nothing!!!

Let me tell you a little story about a kid. This kid felt just like you, he was made fun of, had little to no friends and just hated life. As a result this kid's grade when down because he tought that making FRIENDS was more important. He keeped on failing class after class in the pursue that he whould get some friends, yeeh the nerds whould hang with him but he did'nt feel right there. To make my point, the kid failed out of school and had to go G.E.D. classes just when he got into the "in" crowd. Now this kid thought his life was over, he thought of killing himself but said "I am here to do something great" And the story ends with the kid GETTING his G.E.D. and get really to start collage!!!!

You see Vili, You think your life is so BAD because you ain't got the "populer friends". Well let me tell you that I (YES I'm the kid in the story) have had a hell of a year, BUT I MADE THE BEST OF IT!!!!

Stop saying your doomed to walk the earth alone!!!! You will find someone to have a fun with. Listen, my mom said something to me I will NEVER forget, she said that the kids in here high school who picked on here are dead or in jail. That is SO true because when I first when to class, I saw about four kids who used to go to my school, in the G.E.D. center.....acting up like it was a fun house!!!! So don't give me this bull about how your are so lonely cause it COULD BE WORSE MY FRIEND,it could be worse!!!!

I will pray for you tonight when I go to chruch, I hope you use my story the feel better about yourself, cause you are better off than most people!!!

[Yizzy offline]

Thats very inspiring,oboy.

[DL offline]

*claps* Oboy is right. I was in the same situation as you are now. Yu don't need to reinvent yourself just have more confidence. If some people don't like you then tough for them. You are a good frind and your always there if one of us needs help or advice. If people can't see how great you are screw them. Most of those people are going to end up dead, in a gang, in jail for somkin' weed, or their life will be crap. Most of the kids who treated me like crap are going to fail every regents so bad they will go back to 8th grade. Most of them got caught doing drugs and carrying dime bags of weed. At least your not them. You are beter than them. Everyone on this fourm is. You most of all. I hope you realize this.

[Little Vili offline]

thanks OBoy, and Im also sorry for what you have been through too. Highschool is a b*tch, and I cant wait for it to end (actually, I cant wait till I can drive, then Ill have freedom). I havent goten to the point that my grades have slipped, in fact, every year they just keep going up. Next year Im aiming for the high 90's, and I plan on going to college after highschool...My schedule is also packed tight next year. I have to double up on science, and other stuff as well...Im only going to have one study hall.

I guess its not so much that I feel like everyone hates me, I just hate the way I look. The friends I do hang with say its ok...I just dont think it looks good. Thats why I want to earn money this summer and but a ton of new clothes and stuff (with help from my mom). I hope next year will be an improvement, because things need to change. I've delt with being put down ever since I can remember, and I aim to put an end to it. I wont graduate highschool as some loser. One good thing about next year is that this one kid I know is moving (and I really dont like him). So Im sure that will help as well.

[GOGOLINIICHAN! offline]

That's the spirit, Vili!

I knew you would get it... hopefully now things will get better for you. =D

Just remember that we all got your back 110%!

[Little Vili offline]

Thanks Linii, I know I can count on you guys.

[GOGOLINIICHAN! offline]

No problem, Vili! You better believe it! =D

[Dummo Marx]

Count me out of your back-helping Vili dude....don't ask why just don't count on me...peace

[GOGOLINIICHAN! offline]

That wasn't very nice, Hiroshi. xD

[Little Vili offline]

maybe he just means he's not the person to go to for things like this.

[Dummo Marx]

Exactly

[Yizzy offline]

I suppose you can count on me.

[OB-waN offline]

thanks OBoy, and Im also sorry for what you have been through too. Highschool is a b*tch, and I cant wait for it to end (actually, I cant wait till I can drive, then Ill have freedom). I havent goten to the point that my grades have slipped, in fact, every year they just keep going up. Next year Im aiming for the high 90's, and I plan on going to college after highschool...My schedule is also packed tight next year. I have to double up on science, and other stuff as well...Im only going to have one study hall.

I guess its not so much that I feel like everyone hates me, I just hate the way I look. The friends I do hang with say its ok...I just dont think it looks good. Thats why I want to earn money this summer and but a ton of new clothes and stuff (with help from my mom). I hope next year will be an improvement, because things need to change. I've delt with being put down ever since I can remember, and I aim to put an end to it. I wont graduate highschool as some loser. One good thing about next year is that this one kid I know is moving (and I really dont like him). So Im sure that will help as well.

No prob, and you don't need to feel bad cause in a week from now I will be getting my ticket to a better life. I read that you are very smart, you should use that as your motive to go big. You don't need to look like someone your not. BE YOURSELF and let go of everything that puts you down. I glad to see that you are better and I hope that I NEVER see a thread like this from you ever again!!!! Now, LET HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!

[Little Vili offline]

amen

[MY85 offline]

Your life doesn't suck, Vili. Don't ask me why, but it doesn't... eventually you will learn life is hard, but you will have good moments and bad moments, life's like a electrocardiogram... goes up, goes down... in the end you will learn about life...

I just hate the way I look

The way you look like or the way you look life?

Sorry I'm not much help right now...

[Little Vili offline]

I dont like the way I look.

I can change my clothes all I want, but I cant change my face (with out some real $$$). People tell me I dont look bad, and that may be true, but I just dont look good to myself. Im not changing my style to impress people, Im changing it to satisfy myself.