Poetry Journal...Sorta...

[YDV offline]

Ahh! I missed them again! @.@

dragondasher-- that was like, heart-wrenchingly tear-jerkingly sad. I'm glad it's not real. T_T (it was good though!)

Jaine- Death! o.o As always, really.. er.. lyrical? The history one is pretty good too. (Although I believe it's New Orleans..?)

Skorpigeist- Nice! I'm thinking there's some deep message there, but I think it kinda went over my head...

8th grade? Ha! I'm older than you! Bwahahaha! Feel my seniority and TREMBLE!!!

...*cough* Sorry. ^-^;

[Just_Jaine offline]

Thanks Your De-Virtualization, it is the Battle of New Orleans. I’ll go back and change that.
I’m sure dragondasher have some good poetry when he comes back and posts.

Oh yes, please viewers post you comments on our poems they are greatly appreciated and post you own poems while your at it.

Notes fill the spaces of an empty page
Giving lives book a rhythm
A path which is the way
There’s an up beat trail
Full of cheer and smiles
But that’s not the one for me
No, I chose the slow melancholy one
Where sorrows and joys met once
And have long since gone away
Wait there’s nothing lift
A dead end is all I see
Should I turn back and try again
Or continue on my own way
The choices that once were simple
Seem so very far away…

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

WOW...Today I was bored at home and during lunch...So....I wrote 4 poems today!...Yea...They have a little italics in them...The first three do NOT contain love...(Major change there...) The last one does...(And all of these are happy!...Well more cheerful than the other ones...) Yea...I'm going to post all 4 here since I don't know when will be the next time I get the computer... Very nice poem there Jaine! I agree...Post comments..Any comments for us (mostly Jaine and me)...And post your own poetry here like everyone else!...We can make this into a poetry thread Oh and thanks YDV!

1)
As I watch the snow gently fall,
My thoughts always linger to you.
They say snow is a symbol for purity.
If that were true, I’d start calling you snow or something.
Your soul is one of the purist I’ve seen.
You never look bad at anyone
You always find the bright side to people.
You know me like a book and everything that puts me in a good mood.
I can’t be mad, sad or even gloomy around you.
Your ever-constant smile and always-cheerful attitude make me smile.
It’s impossible to stay mad at you.
Just one look from you and my heart softens.
It’s like I’m your toy.
A toy you treat very well
And if that were true then I don’t mind.
And if all that was true…
Then I’ll say…
I’m glad…
You’re my master…

2)
Darkness has come and taken everybody
Their souls that were once pure
Are now tainted with greed.
Pride and ego sneaks up on them
Which is why so many are hurting each other
Yet, it seems as if you escaped this.
Your soul remains pure still,
You aren’t consumed by the darkness.
I know it
I feel it.
You’re a lighthouse in the darkness
A safe point for me when things go rough,
You always welcome me with open arms and pull me into a never-ending hug.
You run your hand through my hair
Stroke my back repetitively
And say everything will be all right.
Whenever you do,
I just hold on tighter.
I never want to leave you.
I don’t want to face the darkness again.
I want to be with you forever,
Until the world’s end.
I want you here,
To be able to protect me.
So I don’t face the darkness alone…again.
I trust you’ll never abandon me
I know it’s only a feeling I have
I only hope it’s true.
But, as I’m lying in your arms right now…
I can only say…
Thank you…

3)
As I’m walking back home
Under the falling of the rain,
It feels like they’re washing my pain, my grieve, my sorrow away.
People say raindrops are the teardrops of angels in heaven.
It that were true,
I don’t think they’re crying for me.
Why should they?
Why would they?
In the eyes of so many,
I’m a freak, a nerd, just about anything you can think of.
I don’t deserve anyone’s pity.
I’m not even worthy of this life I possess.
You might ask me why…
Why don’t I end my life?
I’ll tell you why.
Because I have hope.
I believe my life will get better one day.
I refuse to accept my life to stay like this.
Another painful day,
Finally over.
Is my hope
Really just hope?
Is it a fantasy that’ll never come true?
Should I just give up and end this misery now?
NO
I shall keep on believing.
In spite of everything around me.
My flames of courage might weaken but it’ll never be gone.
I might be beaten down by what you say.
But I’ll always remain strong.
And right now
I don’t care what happens anymore
I don’t care what they say anymore.
Because I know…
I’ll live…
To see…
A happy day…
In my life.

4)
The cold and dark room creeps me out.
I know something is not right here.
This room is filled with misery and woe.
And then…
I hear sobbing
I see a crouched up ball
I feel water on the floor
I see you crying your heart out.
I don’t know what to do.
When I come to my senses,
I wrap my arms around you.
This was a shock to you, I know.
But later, you just relaxed in them.
I feel your tears soaking my shirt,
I rub my hand on your back, just like a mother would
And I ask you what’s wrong.
It pains me so much to see you, the one I love, act like this.
It takes awhile but I eventually hear.
The one you loved, rejected you…
I’m taken by shock,
As I start to wonder,
Who’d be foolish enough to reject an angel’s love?
I hear you start crying again
And I just hug you even harder.
Anger has risen in me
I want to hurt the one who hurt my love so much.
But that won’t work.
Deep down inside, I bet, you still love your love
Just your love doesn’t love you back.
Hurting your love won’t do anything good.
My love would just be even sadder.
I don’t know what to do.
It hurts so much to learn,
My love loves someone else.
But I am a good friend
I shall support him,
Even if it does kill me on the inside
I know I shouldn’t have done this
But seeing you look like this I couldn’t resist.
As my lips slowly came down and captured yours
I instantly felt regret.
What I did was wrong
I took advantage of you
And didn’t help you
I’m a terrible friend
But then you…
Just look into my eyes…
And draw me into another kiss.
And now I know…
This was the time I was waiting for…
To admit my undying love for you.
You accepted it
And now…
As the sunrise starts
I know…
We can both look forward…
To a beautiful day…



I don't believe it...We made it to 3 pages of posts!!!! (When I started this I only imagined one or two comments and that would be it...Thank you so much guys for comments and contributing (especially to Jaine for giving a lot of poems to keep this thread running. And YDV for ALWAYS finding some time to comment ALL of our poems...You guys rock!...)...Yea...I'm done...

[KayLenny#7 offline]

I loved all four of thouse, DD! I can't even decide which one was my favorite. The first one made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside (because it relates to me like most of them do). The second one makes me think. The third one made me cry and the last one put a cute little smile on my face.

[Just_Jaine offline]

Dragondasher, I would have to say that out of the four poems two and three are my favorites. I’m really glad you decided to make a poetry tread. It’s fun to share my poems with everyone here. Let’s see this next one, I was going to post last night put I feel asleep. R&R. Now I feel like this is fan fiction hehe. Well any way you get my point.

I want to shout out
To scream, To cry,
Just to show you how I feel inside
But instead I only sigh and look down at the ground
Keeping that thought to myself
Keeping it within

[Stonecreek]

So, good stuff dragondasher. The ends of three and four were cool. So, I saw Jaine post a poem. Is this your poetry journal and yours alone, or can other people post poems, too?

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

Thanks very much to Jaine (as usual ), Numbuh 7, and Stonecreek (Yay someone else reads our poems)...To answer your question Stonecreek, it isn't my poetry journal alone (although....that was my original intention...) Anyone can post their poems here, (as long as you comment on ours!) Jaine, that poem relates to me so much...As usual...Great job!

Done with that now...My poems should be forming more quickly now...Since we switched classes for the 2nd half of the year and now I can write in my new class and my teacher doesn't care! Yay!

I'm working on another poem right now...I'll either edit my post (If no one said anything after this one...or just post again...)...As usual, Thank you guys so very much!

[Stonecreek]

I have a bunch of poems stowed away on my old fictionpress.com account, Banpaia Daisho. Time to unmothball one of them. And I won't post too often, dran=gondasher. There's juts nowhere else here to do so. This is your thread after all.

Fear

He's very tricky,
a hidden killer.
Through the shadows he speeds.
Through the years
some of the people
never got out alive.
A combo plate,
and you're the feast.
A rapid assault food frenzy.

The hunted is you.

Survival is rare.

That feeling you have got?

It's fear.

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

Stonecreek, it's okay...Just post whenever you want to...I won't mind...(Nice poem there BTW...Interesting way to look at fear...)

Poem Update: (Wow...I finished this one quickly...)

As I see the sun raise,
Out from the darkness,
I see...
A multitude of colors in the sky.
Maybe it's a signal...
A signal that I've been waiting for,
A signal to tell me, today's the day.
Today's the day I confess my love to you.
With a spirited heart,
I go out to meet you
Just to find you sleeping the day away
As I stare at you sleeping
I start to think of the past.
I know I'm in love with you.
When I'm around you,
My heart flutters like crazy
But I'll never be able to say those three words
I'll attempt and choke
And later just chat as if nothing happened.
Why must I be cursed like this?
And why must you be so ignorant?
But maybe, maybe today's the day.
I'll finally be able to say those three words
I poke you gently on the shoulder
You jumped with a start
You stare at me confusingly,
While I'm laughing like crazy, and pretty soon you laugh as well.
We spent the day at the beach,
Jumping the waves
And riding them back
It's almost sunset now,
As I'm lying on your bare chest,
I open my mouth to speak,
And all of a sudden,
I couldn't stop talking.
As I confessed my love for you
And kept on blabbering on and on.
But you just came...
And silence me,
With your lips over mine.
I gasped in shock
And soon I relaxed.
Yep,
Today was the day for me to confess
And right now,
As I'm still lying on your chest,
All I can say is,
Let's enjoy this beautiful sunset,
And let's be together...
Forever...


(Yea...You're going to realize a few lines that look very very familiar...(*hint hint*...look at my signature...) I found a place for them...Yay!...Yea...I'm done now...Enjoy!)

[KayLenny#7 offline]

*sigh* It's so romantic! *daydreams*

[Skorpigeist offline]

again dragondasher very nice, there is a lot of talent floating around in this thread.

and to you YourDV yeah there is a bit of deeper meaning there. It is okay if you missed it, but if you think about it long enough, you will get it

[Just_Jaine offline]

Stonecreek please post your poems. I for one greatly appreciate reading them. I thought your fear poem was neat. Dragondasher, if I ever become to executive in my decisions just tell me, ok? I’m glad you mentioned were part of your poem came from because by the end of the poem I was going crazy trying to figure out were I had read it. This next poem I wrote during band and math. Unfortunately I now have two assignments instead of one. Oh well, I think it was worth it. I might add more to this poem but for now it is done.

[color=darkblue]I want to be with you
To walk with you, To talk with you
Sometimes you let me join your group
But other times you just walk past me like I’m some ointment on the wall.
I know you want to be with him, alone
That’s ok, I guess.
All you want is some one that will listen to you
But I have ears and a mouth as well.

You asked once, “How is life.â€

[KayLenny#7 offline]

That was awesome, Jaine!

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

Dragondasher, if I ever become to executive in my decisions just tell me, ok?

You're doing fine...I don't mind. (You've contributed much to the thread...So it's only right that you have a say in stuff) Very very very nice poem as always...Ack! Gotta go...

Edit: Time to finish my post...

Thanks to Stonecreek and Numbuh 7 and Jaine for comments...Umm...I got another poem done...(I'll post in a sec.) and two poems that I'm working on that I'm at dead ends for... Any suguesstions on how to finish them...? (Look down...One of my later posts...)

[Stonecreek]

OK then, next poem. A prose poem, to boot. Helps to know the background on this one, but I'll explain if someone fails to get it.

EDIT: Frogot to comment on other poems! *bows head in shame* Forgive me!

Anyway, love the end of Jaine's poem. I think you mean ornament on the wall, not ointment, right? And dragondasher's new poem used repitition to its great advantage, though the end was a bit tired, just because the theme/phrase is.

These are just short versions. I am planning on being an editor when I graduate in May, and have plenty of experiecne already. I am an assistant editor of the literary magazine Pleiades (find it and find where I go to school), and have read tens of thousands of poems that have been submitted to it over the last four years, even by award-winning authors. I may not have those credentials, but I have a sharp eye. PM me with works if you'd like me to give them a thorough looking over.

Janet Leigh's Last Shower

Thick steam billows around me. I close my eyes and enjoy its warmth. It's like a protective shield to me. Under my cloak of humidity, I find solace from the rest of the day. It is here that I can think clearly, here where I'm at my best, here where I'm truly comfortable. Maybe it's the rhythmic pounding of the water on my head that puts me at ease, maybe the lack of intrusive light, maybe the fact that I'm alone. There's no stress, no expectations, no barriers to hold me back. My thoughts are as free to flow as the water cascading onto my head. Time stops, reality stops, and, for a moment, my heart stops.

The hot water stops.

Reality comes, crashing around me in cold, stinging beads.

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

Stonecreek, as like your last one, you have an interesting way to look at things!

Okay...I'm going to be posting 3 poems...The first two are NOT finished...I don't know where to continue from them...Any sugesstions from you guys...? You're going to realize the 2nd one and the 3rd one are similar and that's because they are. The 2nd one is from one POV and the 3rd is from the other person's POV. Think you guys can pull something out from the 3rd poem and use for the 2nd?

1)
All you people think you know me
But, you don't...
This angry look on my face
Is really just a mask
A mask, that's effective
Deep down,
I'm really just lonely
A lonely boy who wants friends.
But is insecured.
Too many people have betrayed me
And I'm not going to let another one use me.
But all you stupid people are blind.
You just think I'm this mean bully that can go solo.
Well, guess what?
You're wrong.
Only one of you,
Has seen into my eyes.
And he has seen,
A boy that is frighten
He sees a boy that is emotionally unstable,
He sees a boy that can break down any second,
He sees...
The real me.
The real me that needs comferting.
He can see into my mask,
Which is much more you good for nothings can do.
He slowly learned my secrets,
Opened me up for him,
And never once misused my trust.
He's the one I go to,
After a beating or yelling at home,
He's always there, to calm me down.
I don't know what I'll do without him
He's the only reason why I'm still living...
(Unfinished.....)

2) (This one is hopelessly short...)
That accursed fire
Was finally put out.
And taking along with it,
My house and realitives.
I escaped with my siblings
And set out to walk in the dark and gloomy night.
My first though was of shelter.
Thinking who would take us in,
I thought of you
My best friend at this school
I arrived at your doorstep
Looking battered and beaten
I see you staring
With concern in your eyes
(Unfinised as well...But you'll see that the 3rd poem picks up from here, but from the "best friend's" POV)

3) (Ack!...This is starting to NOT sound like my normal poetry... )

I still remember that dreadful night you arrived on our doorstep asking to live here a while with your siblings
I remember the sadness in your eyes, your quaking voice, your shivering body, but mostly, your face of fear.
I remember you telling me about the death of your parents and the great fire that bought you here
I remember your determination for your siblings, to keep them alive.
I remember your lok of relief when we said you could stay here.
I stare at you now wleeping,
But sleeping with not a peaceful face, but a worried one
You've been sleeping in my bed more frequently lately and I don't mind.
I love the fact you always rely on me for help or need me to comfert you.
For I know,
If I lost my parents,
I'd want someone there for me.
It pains me to see you like this,
You are a fun, kind and thoughtful person
You don't deserve this.
I see you run yourself down
With midnight studying
To running around the house helping everybody and working.
I keep on telling you, it's fine, you don't have to do this
But your pride is higha nd I know how you think.
I remmeber you once told me, I made you less shy and more outgoing
And now I see you with your portective barrier up again.
It's hurting me not only because you're my friend and came to me for help, but also because you're my love.
You helped me survive through the first few weeks of school,
You're loud when needed and quiet otherwise,
But now...You're quiet all the time.
I can't blame you,
I want to change you
Change you back into the way you were.
I look at you now
I can't move
You're a light sleeper
Listening for touble.
The slightest movement could wake you up.
I see you twitching and I wrap my arms around you.
You calm down and start to relax.
Your face looks peaceful now.
I love to see your peaceful face,
I rarely get to see it adn when I do...
It's beautiful.
It's beautiful just like you.
You start to wake
And stare at me in the eyes.
I despertly want to should I love you
But I can't
I don't know how this news would affect you.
I don't want to add to your burdens
But then, you ask me what's wrong?
What do I say?
After a little while of thinking, I opened my mouth and said,
"I got something important to tell you"
I saw your face instanly get worried and I knew what you were thinking.
"No, calm down. It isn't that You're not leaving us."
I see you calm down a bit, just a bit.
"It's that I..
I...
I love you!
I love you with heart and soul
And it pains me so much to see you like this...
I'll understand if you want to leave
And never see me again...
But just know
I love you"
As I closed my eyes,
ANd expected the worst
I opened them to find you crying
Crying but with a smile
Before I get a chance to say anything,
I feel you tackle me,
And capture my lips with yours...
I know now...
You love me back,
My heart is happy now...
And now...
It's time...
To repair yours...

Yea....Any help guys...? It would be much appreciated!...

[Stonecreek]

I guess there are two things hurting this batch of poems. One is the fact they're unfinsihed. That's a given. The second is that they are too personalized. If you want the reader to truly feel for the poem, then some generalizations have to be made. IT is cathartic to pour out everything into a poem, but even if the writing is good (and it is), it doesn't mean a reader will look at it the same as you do. That said, the conflicts in these poems are great starting points. Refine and finish, and I'll take another look.

And, another post, another poem from me. Am I going too fast with these?

S.D.

Hear the noise rise in your ears.
The music picks up its pace.
Your surroundings enlarge, brighten.
Words flow to you unannounced
in high-pitched pyschobabble
incomprehensible to the faceless crowd.

Then you dance and don't know why,
but enjoy the movement nonetheless.
You look like a bad 80's film
But, in some ways, you are.
Just listen to the soundtrack:
Something's not right here.

Or is it right
and you
just haven't figured it out?
Is there art in your actions,
meaning in the incredulous glances?
You get (it) as your friends
stand by while you're re-animated.

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

Oooohhh...Good point there Stonecreek...I guess these poems are a bit on the personal side...A lot...Grr...Now to complete them.... Nice poem there by the way...

[KayLenny#7 offline]

I'll be up front with you. I hate poetry with a passion. But the personalness is what makes it so good. I like to connect to people, not read something that someone just thought might sound cool. But that's just me.

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

I'll be up front with you. I hate poetry with a passion. But the personalness is what makes it so good. I like to connect to people, not read something that someone just thought might sound cool. But that's just me.

I agree with you there...That's my main goal in me writing poetry...If they're not about me, I try to think from someone else's POV and go from there...

[Stonecreek]

I'll be up front with you. I hate poetry with a passion. But the personalness is what makes it so good. I like to connect to people, not read something that someone just thought might sound cool. But that's just me.

And I totally get what you're saying. I do as much personalizing as anyone. But when it gets to the point that the conflict or whatever is decipherable only to the author, or is so specific as to exclude readers, then that's a problem. dragondasher isn't quite at that level, but he's veering that way. I don't want to see good writing be inaccessable is all. No ffense meant. I do constructive criticism. IT's my JOB.

[Shi_Min_Xi offline]

I'll be up front with you. I hate poetry with a passion. But the personalness is what makes it so good. I like to connect to people, not read something that someone just thought might sound cool. But that's just me.

And I totally get what you're saying. I do as much personalizing as anyone. But when it gets to the point that the conflict or whatever is decipherable only to the author, or is so specific as to exclude readers, then that's a problem. dragondasher isn't quite at that level, but he's veering that way. I don't want to see good writing be inaccessable is all. No ffense meant. I do constructive criticism. IT's my JOB.

Well I see where you're getting at and I thank you very much for your constructive criticism. Looking at my poems...Yea...They do seem that way.....I should generalize a bit more...

[Stonecreek]

I'm not trying to force you to change. It's just through the experience I've had, the poems that go over better are generally accessable to the readers or so vague as to be mysterious in content and context. You wear your heart on your sleeve, so go with it. Your writing is very sound. Now make it reach out to more fully deliver your messages.

[Just_Jaine offline]

Well I think that all poems should be personal other wise you wouldn’t get any emotion in you writing. How ever it dose help if you write in a broad topic. But poems don’t have to be interpreted exactly word for word. The feeling is suppose to provoke and image, that’s what I think. I just contradicted my self, oh well. Stonecreek do you think my poetry is personal or general?

[Stonecreek]

Well I think that all poems should be personal other wise you wouldn’t get any emotion in you writing. How ever it dose help if you write in a broad topic. But poems don’t have to be interpreted exactly word for word. The feeling is suppose to provoke and image, that’s what I think. I just contradicted my self, oh well. Stonecreek do you think my poetry is personal or general?

It is more on the genral side. There is a fine line to walk between the two. You can spend a lifetime trying to find the balance. LEt me know if any of you do, 'cause I sure haven't.

Case in point, this poem I just penned in the last half hour from the discussion over in BKO. Comments on this (and my others) would be nice. This is more indicative of my early stuff - it rhymes. I like rhyming, but genrally I don't write rhyming poetry anymore. If I post my older stuff (beyond what is already here), it'll rhyme.

Escapism

The hand that reached
out to save me
has long since rescinded
that opportunity.

Left on my own
to struggle with monotony
amidst the masses
feeling the same calamity.

Surroundings close in
and limit my mobility
They don't want me to flee,
rather that I stay in stupidity.

But I have one little edge
over the powers that be:
I see in their "mighty" displays
Stress cracks belying frailty.

An undercurrent has formed
A flow to drown the enemy.
Rise up and overflow your banks
And sweep me away to destiny.