The nightmare returns

[Slayer offline]

Hey, thought id take a crack at making a fan fic. Dont think its that good but just thought that id put it up for the hell of it.

Several months have passed since XANA was killed and aelita starts to have nightmares about it again. The next day a new student arrives at kadic... ME!


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5460942/1/

Tell me what you guys think.

[Dark William offline]

Sure, I read it
my username is TalaIsShining

[Slayer offline]

Man fan fics are harder than i thought, especially after reading New Dawn by optimus. I keep wanting to add in Xervix... Still waiting on the confirmation on weather or not i can use him in my fan fic. Besides that im working on chapter 2 now that i finished most my homework.

[desincarnation offline]

I took a look at it and I'd have some suggestions to you.
First of all, divide the dialogues in separate lines and make paragraphs, because a block of text you're serving looks discouraging and is hard to read.
Secondly, use spellcheck and punctuation. Same reason as above.
Thirdly... you should be consistent about the tense you write in. Past or present, decide.
Fanfictions are not easy to write, I know... but correct arrangement of the text and language is half the success. OK, it's less than half, but it's the first thing the readers have to deal with.

[Dark William offline]

Man fan fics are harder than i thought, especially after reading New Dawn by optimus. I keep wanting to add in Xervix... Still waiting on the confirmation on weather or not i can use him in my fan fic. Besides that im working on chapter 2 now that i finished most my homework.

Well I thought it was a good chapter 1

[Slayer offline]

Secondly, use spellcheck and punctuation. Same reason as above.

I did use spellcheck, i dont know why it didnt pick up half the spelling mistakes. Maby word is getting dumber

Well I thought it was a good chapter 1

Thanks for that im gona try and finish chapter 2 in the next couple of hours and get my friend to look it over for me (she is a perfectionist) and then ill send her chapter 1 to check and fix up for me.

[Dark William offline]

Secondly, use spellcheck and punctuation. Same reason as above.

I did use spellcheck, i dont know why it didnt pick up half the spelling mistakes. Maby work is getting dumber

Well I thought it was a good chapter 1

Thanks for that im gona try and finish chapter 2 in the next couple of hours and get my friend to look it over for me (she is a perfectionist) and then ill send her chapter 1 to check and fix up for me.

cool, i shall rad it then

[Slayer offline]

New chapter, sorry about the big chunks of text im still working on the shortened paragraphs. Hope you enjoy reading

[Dark William offline]

New chapter, sorry about the big chunks of text im still working on the shortened paragraphs. Hope you enjoy reading

it was a great chappy
*Reviewed*

[Slayer offline]

I'm hoping to have chapter 3 up by Christmas at the latest, started work on chapter 4. Any one got some ideas that i can use?

[Dark William offline]

awesome, umm
ya can use my character if ya want

lol.
ive got no ideas on the moment sorry


Edit: I just noticed a post from you, saying about the spellcheck
Same is to me, I use spellcheck, btu sometimes the right word isn't there. So then I wrote it soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong. That it is impossible to make it right

[Slayer offline]

New chapter up, ill have a re eddited version up soon.

[Dark William offline]

cool,
also next time, if ya send an email
Write something with it, when I saw it. I was like uhh???
and just remembered it

[Slayer offline]

Re uploaded chapter 3, this time its fixed no thanks to my beta reader who i will not name yet.

Nows a good time Xana's angle girl!

And could some one become my chapter name maker please?

[Dark William offline]

So I need to read it again?

Well I could help ya. ind Im not a good beta reader. Sorry

[Slayer offline]

You didn't even send anythig back to me, ah well I'll email you chapter 4 in a few days if I get un banned from the computer. It's not easy to wright about 2000 words or more on a iPod

[Dark William offline]

I commented at the review.
not the email, cause I saw that you had it already up.

why are ya banned then?

anyway, I shall do better my best, I saw you're email after christmas