Un Monde Sans Paix

[Taelia offline]

Either way, I still give the chapter a rating of 50/50. It's well-written, though.

Keep up the good work.

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Oh, I also liked the idea of Jim once being a martial arts legend. I just thought he knew Pencak Silat, though.

[ODDCHEEZY offline]

I like it (/10

[Taelia offline]

Jim's story of being a martial arts legend clearly reminds me of one of my favorite characters from Tekken 6, Bob:

Bob, a stoic person at heart, took his dreams of becoming strong very seriously.

Since childhood, he was a celebrated martial arts prodigy, and since he was a pretty boy with an excellent physique, he was not short of fans. Despite his martial arts prowess, he was unsuccessful against opponents of larger builds. For this reason, Bob disappeared from the public eye, setting out to accomplish the difficult task of rebuilding his body, increasing weight and power without sacrificing speed.

Bob returned home several years later after he had finished rebuilding his body. His drastic change in appearance shocked and disappointed all who knew him. Simply put, he looked fat, and nothing more. They couldn't contain their laughter. His once perfect body was nothing more than a distant and pleasant memory.

Bob paid their comments no mind, for he firmly believed his speed, power, weight, everything, was simply perfect. He was completely satisfied with what he had achieved, and so, believing now was the time to test his body, Bob decided to participate in the world famous martial arts tournament known as The King of Iron Fist Tournament 6.

[Nightsabre offline]

I am in pure awe... I look forward to reading more.

[SilverPrince offline]

Thank you for the compliment, and Chapter 4, "Counter Attack" is now up. The war has now begun in earnest. To ease the confusion, I have created a map of nations to show who is with who. If you wish to avoid spoilers, perhaps you should read the chapter and then look at the map.

Blue is France and her allies, Green is the US and her allies.

[Taelia offline]

I can't wait to see what Jim and the children can do!

[Tangent128 offline]

Buh-duh-duh!

I'm not quite sure how a Unicameral Congress would work, constitutionally. (Taking Government here...) Of course, with such devastation, suspending the Constitution would be understandable, at least until elections could be held.
I guess they could just say that each person is functionally both a Senator and Representative. Might be easier to just have the governors appoint a full delegation, though.



I never thought I'd write a post like that on a Lyoko forum.

[Stonecreek]

My suspension of disbelief is starting to fade. I want more concentration on the Lyoko Warriors, because it is what you write best. The politics and warmonegering are intersting, but steadily more unbelievable, no matter how much research is done. this story will really start to get good and fulfill its premise when the gang swings into full action.

[Sciron offline]

You chose the treaty to be written...in...Hawaii?

o.O

Can't say anything else.

---

Wait...Senators Obama and Clinton?

I kinda agree with Stonecreek; you should probably try to focus a bit more on the Lyoko Warriors rather than the US, even though essentially this is the third World War. It seems to be focusing slightly more on historical accuracy more than the Lyoko Warriors' battle. I know that historical accuracy and the amount of realism is kind of important, but I just feel that the Lyoko Warriors should be put a bit more in the spotlight. Obviously, I know it's hard to do it when you're writing about WWIII, but just try to slip something in or something.

[JesusFreak offline]

...

I agree with Stonecreek. More fighting, less governing!


*grabs pitchfork and shotgun*

RIOT!

*Is hit by Firemen's water hose*

Okay then...

[SilverPrince offline]

That actually was my last mainly Condi-centric chapter that I had planned. It won't be the very last you hear of her, of course, but from this point onward the main source of news from the war will be from the news.

I chose the treaty to be written in Hawaii because I can. Nothing is ever written in Hawaii, so I said why not? A historical inside joke I have with some of my friends is that almost all of the treaties seem to be from Paris. But obviously... we can't have this one in Paris, can we? Obama and Clinton are in the story because they were the only Congress-people left alive, along with some other two I pulled out of nowhere. I forgot McCain though. >.> There's my liberal bias kicking in.

Hey, Nebraska has a unicameral legislature, and it works just fine. And I chose unicameral because they are really, really short on time. They need a government, and it's a lot quicker to choose one person instead of two. Also, it means one less valuable politician on the state level is removed. It's only for a few months anyway.

And lastly, thank you. Constructive criticism is, in my humble opinion, a very good thing. Sure, a bazillion comments of "ZOMG g00d wurk!!1" is great and all but I like it when I can know how to write even better than before. On the other hand "OMG YOU SUXZORZ!!!" is not good. So if I get that bad... don't say that.

[Sciron offline]

I rather doubt you will, so just keep it up.

Believe it or not, I've never seen non-constructive criticism as worse as that.

[SilverPrince offline]

ZOMFGWTF422BBQ. It has been one day short of a month since I have uploaded a new chapter. I am very sorry. And this chapter isn't my best work, but I knew that if I didn't get past this soon, I would never get it done and I would just stop. Chapter 5, "Preparation", is now finally up. As I currently have it planned, we are now halfway done.

Also, this is a map of the belligerents as of Chapter 5. Green is the signers of the Treaty of Honolulu and their allies. Navy blue is NATO and its allies.

[Taelia offline]

Jim... on Lyoko?

SUPER AWESOME! =DDDDD

I love you now, Lyoko422!

[Tangent128 offline]

Bravo! MOAR!

(FBI likes nachos? Good to know... )

*Goes back to raytracer... first 3 seconds of ULT3 done...*

[SilverPrince offline]

How did I know, Taelia? How did I know that you were going to say that?

Yes! If we stop the flow of vital nacho cheese to the FBI, we can defeat the conspiracy once and- OMG. I'M GOING TO BE ARRESTED. PATRIOT ACT OH NOEZ! *arrested*

[Taelia offline]

How did I know, Taelia? How did I know that you were going to say that?

Because I read the chapter. You didn't use my design (drawn by TB3 of course) per se but Jim's "shockwave"/"thunderclap" ability is reminiscent of my concept.

[SilverPrince offline]

I have seen that drawing, it's a good one. I don't know what the powers associated with it are. But I thought Jim's power made sense because... he's a big guy, and big guys make booms. Hence, the shockwave thing.

As for his outfit, he wears a red jumpsuit as to refrence his red sweater, and a black belt and headband to represent his martial arts prowess. Jim wears brown shoes, so his boots and gloves on Lyoko are brown.

I went for a simple look because, well A) I didn't know how to put anything more complicated into words, and B) the most well-known and successful martial artists are known to live simple ways of life, free of extravagance.

[Taelia offline]

I have seen that drawing, it's a good one. I don't know what the powers associated with it are. But I thought Jim's power made sense because... he's a big guy, and big guys make booms. Hence, the shockwave thing.

The powers associated with my design for Jim's Lyoko Warrior attire are thunder and lightning (think Raiden from Mortal Kombat). Not to mention my design was approved by DAVID GASMAN himself.

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Suzanne's powers are Earth-based.

Earth + lightning = fire. Passion, love, desire.

http://warrioroflight.deviantart.com/art/Terra-Warrior-Susanne-45498530 <--drawn by a friend of mine; Suzanne's Lyoko form

[Andy Waltfeld offline]

Leaving my Declaration of Awesomeness here, as I haven't a reason to register at FF.net yet.

Looking at the faction maps, however, I see a lone white pixel at the approximate point of the Rocky Mountain Replika. Shouldn't there also be a 2x2-pixel void where D.C once stood?

[SilverPrince offline]

That dot is the Great Salt Lake in Utah. The American Replika was in the Southwest, I assume New Mexico.

[Lani offline]

Arlington, Alexandria... same thing. >.>

:|
I could write a 20 page essay about how Arlington and Alexandria are not the same but... now's not the time |D;; I'm from Arlington btw. When the Pentagon was attacked on 9/11 we got a day off school. uhh


SO YEAH. This fic had caught my eye... quite a while ago and I finally admitted to myself that I was bored enough to read it. And I don't read fics very much. But I like it a lot so far

YEAHHH NECROPOSTING WOO

[SilverPrince offline]

They both start with A. >.>

Thank you. I really need tp update more, but my weekends have been busy and plus I'm lazy.

[SilverPrince offline]

OH NOEZ. DOUBLE POST. Forgive me.

I'm just announcing that I am putting the Un Monde Sans Paix project on indefinite hold. I've completely run out of ideas, and to be honest it wasn't my best work to begin with. This is my wake up call to stop writing all on impulse and actually plan some things out. I may return to it later, but I'm not so sure. The whole thing was so impulsive to begin with, and I've dug myself into a hole too deep to get out of at the moment.

So I'll concentrate on Ex Libris Lyoko and move on to some other things I have planned. Thank you all for the help, comments and support.

I'd request this be locked, but can you unlock it should I ever actually come back to this project? If so, lock requested. If not, I'll just let this slip into oblivion and bring it back when/if need be.

[Taelia offline]

Awwwww! That's horrible!