Return To The Past (T) (Complete)

[Carth]

XANA? Childish? Naw. He's just having fun with his drama skillz in that chapter. .

Because I feel kinda bad for not having finished, i'll post three little snippets of what I do have written, for your squealiness. Spoilers ahead.

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She pointed to three other boys. “Help him carry Mr. Hopper to the infirmary.”

“You like her, don’t you?”

Chris glanced sideways at Jeremie, looked back, and did a double take.

“Aelita. You really like her, right?”

“What’s it to you?” Chris's voice was antagonistic.

“Oh, Jean-Pierre,” Ms. Hertz said suddenly, and he turned around. A sly smile crossed her face. “Say Medea were to die. Say, tomorrow. Would you go insane like him?”

Jean-Pierre stared at her incredulously.

Okay, I think i've spoiled enough.

[Malkmusian offline]

Cool spoilers. I can see how that story ends.

[Mewberries151]

Oh, and not to poke Mew, but do you like the story? *totally poking Mew*

Embarassingly, I have not read your story yet. *shames shame shuuunnnn* ; But I will read it soon. *salutes* And I'm sure I'll like it. It looks great, to be sure.

[Carth]

Yay! Secretly i'd be very extremely honored if you read it

Oh, and by the way, Chapter 11 is up. It isn't formatted too well, but I like it.

[Tangent128 offline]

Looks good. You're setting up for something...

[twilightchaos09 offline]

Sooo, a new chapter coming soon?

[Carth]

Why, certainly. I wrote a lot of it today, and I should have it finished by tomorrow.

But, since it has been two weeks since the last update, i present you with some spoilers. Feast yer eyes.

Jeremie couldn’t tell why he couldn’t concentrate that morning.

“Just today.” Jeremie turned his head, placing a look of cool disinterest, even if his nerves were shrieking shriller than Ulrich’s singing in the shower. (The fact that he only ever sang 80’s rock ballads made it even worse. But that’s a story for another day.)

“You’re absolutely correct. I’m a lunatic. And you’re a lunatic, too. Everyone on this whole d*mn earth is a lunatic. That is why we are sane, you see. Understand?”

Side Story
At The Park

[twilightchaos09 offline]

So when can we expect chapter 12?

[Carth]

I already said. Tomorrow, tonight if i'm really fast.

[twilightchaos09 offline]

Oh, right. Sorry about that. And, cool.

[Carth]

It's okay.

Oh, and Chapter 12 will be up within 30 minutes.

Edit: It's up! Dun...dun dun...

[Taelia offline]

When is Jeremie gonna return to his own time?

[Malkmusian offline]

Possible never, Taelia. Good plot line needs to have a never ending story.

[Carth]

Oh no, it'll end. In eight more chapters. He'll be home in less than that.

[Taelia offline]

Good. I'd hate to see him be stick in 1994 forever.

[Malkmusian offline]

Good. I'd to see him be stick in 1994 forever.

But you can get used to Kurt Cobain being gone and plus, Pavement's on the radio. You can change that by making "Gold Soundz" play more on 99x.

[Stonecreek]

Finally got around to reading this story (took me two hours, but what else do I need to do with my time?). I enjoyed it a lot, and look forward to where it is going. I could launch into a detailed contstructive criticism about cleaning up your language quirks and streamlining plot, but you're young still. Things liek this are allowed.

[Carth]

...constructive criticism about language quirks and streamlining plot? I'm listening...

[Stonecreek]

It's just the fact that you're a teenager shows through in your writing style. The bursts of randomness in an otherwise serious story, the little self-referential notes breaking down the fourth wall in the middle of the narrative, the slightly over-the top characterizations...all these things are ecusable because of age. I certainly wasn't as polished as you at that age. Heck, I still don't like to make up stories with huge plots like this one has. I just think the story could be tightened up and still retain the same feeling if you'd shorten or eliminate some of the tangents, but it's the language that is most noticeable. Also bear in mind I'm incredibly picky about what I read. I am a proofreader by profession now (sorta), and it's always been one of my passions. So, the things I'm noticing are small, but overall it would help the feel of the story, and its impact if they were addressed.

P.S. - I love to beta. Do you have one?

[Carth]

It's just the fact that you're a teenager shows through in your writing style. The bursts of randomness in an otherwise serious story, the little self-referential notes breaking down the fourth wall in the middle of the narrative, the slightly over-the top characterizations...all these things are ecusable because of age. I certainly wasn't as polished as you at that age. Heck, I still don't like to make up stories with huge plots like this one has. I just think the story could be tightened up and still retain the same feeling if you'd shorten or eliminate some of the tangents, but it's the language that is most noticeable. Also bear in mind I'm incredibly picky about what I read. I am a proofreader by profession now (sorta), and it's always been one of my passions. So, the things I'm noticing are small, but overall it would help the feel of the story, and its impact if they were addressed.

P.S. - I love to beta. Do you have one?

I certainly feel like the plot is too large and unwieldy. I've had this planned from the start, and I think I can close it without TOO many plot holes...though I feel like a few stitches have come loose.

Most of the other stuff, like the randomness, I was already aware of, but I wrote it off as being my own personal 'touch'. That sounds really weird, ne? It's true that some of the tangents could be done without. (I'm kinda impulsive when it comes to humor opportunities.) I'll keep that in mind though :)

No i don't :D while i'd absolutely love/probably need one, to be honest i don't know if i'd actually listen to one :/ Maybe I'll show you the next chapter, see if i'm beyond hope. :D

[Stonecreek]

It's just the fact that you're a teenager shows through in your writing style. The bursts of randomness in an otherwise serious story, the little self-referential notes breaking down the fourth wall in the middle of the narrative, the slightly over-the top characterizations...all these things are ecusable because of age. I certainly wasn't as polished as you at that age. Heck, I still don't like to make up stories with huge plots like this one has. I just think the story could be tightened up and still retain the same feeling if you'd shorten or eliminate some of the tangents, but it's the language that is most noticeable. Also bear in mind I'm incredibly picky about what I read. I am a proofreader by profession now (sorta), and it's always been one of my passions. So, the things I'm noticing are small, but overall it would help the feel of the story, and its impact if they were addressed.

P.S. - I love to beta. Do you have one?

I certainly feel like the plot is too large and unwieldy. I've had this planned from the start, and I think I can close it without TOO many plot holes...though I feel like a few stitches have come loose.

Most of the other stuff, like the randomness, I was already aware of, but I wrote it off as being my own personal 'touch'. That sounds really weird, ne? It's true that some of the tangents could be done without. (I'm kinda impulsive when it comes to humor opportunities.) I'll keep that in mind though

No i don't while i'd absolutely love/probably need one, to be honest i don't know if i'd actually listen to one :/ Maybe I'll show you the next chapter, see if i'm beyond hope.

Noone who takes the time to actualy write something is beyond hope. Besides, I'm a frank, but gentle beta. I make corrections and suggestions, but it's always up to the author to take them or leave them.

[Carth]

Kay

Anyways, I am done with Chapter 13, but I'll give Stoney's beta a try. It'll be up before November 1 in any case.

[Stonecreek]

Kay

Anyways, I am done with Chapter 13, but I'll give Stoney's beta a try. It'll be up before November 1 in any case.

Chapter is beta'ed and waiting in your inbox.

[JesusFreak offline]

Yay, Another chapter is close to realization to the public!

[Carth]

Chapter 13 is online.