So...I'm a bit of a mess. Even if just posting in Rant again already makes me feel a little better.
Basically, I can't stop worrying about things and need constant reassurance that I'm fine/ people don't think I'm weird/my friends love me, which I in turn worry about because i must seem annoying, which just starts the cycle over again. I have fits of jealousy, I invent conspiracies against myself that could never hope to happen, my self-esteem's in the toilet despite how awesome I am...I just...I feel like if i were as awesome as everyone says, I would feel it, all the time. That the very fact that I am this anxious, that I have lost friends and that I am so different, means I really do suck.
I've tried everything. I know every truth I possibly could but the feelings return and I find myself saying the same anxiety-fueled untruths over and over. I don't know how to stop. Should I just need this constant reassurance? Or cease to care? Or...I don't know. It's getting in the way of everything I want to do and be. I can't take it anymore.
Carth, as I've told you via Tumblr and text, there's nothing wrong with you. However, I know that at your university, there are trained professionals who know what exactly is going on with you, and have almost certainly seen this exact thing happen before with other people. What I want you to do is to go and talk with them, and tell them about your problems. They can help.
Taking LQ's point and adding my experience... The difference between 'friends' and real friends is even if you get on their nerves your real friends stick by you when you need them. And it seems like your friends offline are with you (and don't forget all of us)
Ah, I know this feel. Anxiety sucks and one of the most infuriating bits is that it knows no logic; you can know everything's fine and you're cool and etc., but the worry, doubt, what have you, can be super overwhelming. First thing, know that you're not alone and tons of people go through this and it can be treated.
Talking helps. Guidance counsellors, therapists, university people who do that kind of thing, etc. They can teach you useful coping techniques on how to manage your thoughts and any physical symptoms. Good luck to you.
You must find peace of mind through meditation, but it requires dedication and patience as well. Focus on your heart, breathe... concentrate. Whatever evil that lies within must be eliminated, so then the good will prevail and so you'll be able to revitalize your very self. You'll accept your inner nature, and thus, feel better about who you are, not being afraid of people or what they may think about you.
You're one soul, one being - bring safety to this little being and make it feel comfortable, guard it with your heart and the shadows will turn to light.