Anxiety

[DeadViolet offline]

I've always been sort of a loner-type, I like spending time by myself to work on whatever I wanna, and I have very few close friends.
Whenever I get around people I don't know, I clam up and get very nervous.

I think it really started when I was in high school, every Friday night a few friends and I would go to the American Legion for dance night. I'd stand outside, bumming cigarettes off people and trying to scout out potential friends or lovers. But, within an hour, I'd usually end up having a panic attack, crying and feeling disillusioned.
I never went back there after high school. I felt like I didn't belong.

One incident, me and my friend Amber went to go see a movie, and Amber spots some of her friends after the film. I got nervous, so I insisted that we get leaving because I was hungry, but she wanted to stay. I hung back, but then I ended up trying to make small talk with her pals, and ended up looking like an idiot.

This type of incident has always happened with "friends of friends". I remember, I was at Joey's birthday party, I never talked, when I did I sounded extremely akward, and I clung to my now-ex the whole time.

Now I have a boyfriend. He's intelligent, freaking insane; but he also doesn't have the best family. He told me about his dad who's a sociopath (based on what he's told me) with an STD. He's a totes shady character, and when I finally met him, I didn't make any eye contact and spoke only two-word sentences.
Memphis told me afterward that his father thinks I have mental issues because I barely spoke. I told him the truth was that he f***ing terrified me.
I went over to his house back in April, his dad and grandmother were there, I did the same thing I'd done last time and totally withdrew.

The most recent incident was I had to drop my BF off at his grandparents, he asked me I wanted to meet his grandparents, he claimed they were really redneck, so I'm like "Why not....Let's get it over with..." Right before we got to the door, I stopped and I started tearing up, he turns to mand motions me on. I start to cry voice is getting warbly, I'm like "I c-can't do it..." I wanted to bolt out of there and just get out. He ended up walking me back to the car and calming me down. I later apologized to him.

Memphis thinks I'm just "making a mountain out of a molehill" or "overthinking". He's extremely logical...He says it'll take time.
I really don't know what's wrong with me. If I had Aspergers (No eye contact when speaking is a symptom), I'm pretty sure I'd have been diagnosed by now. The mother of a very close pal (Pal has Aspergers) told me that I may have it, I told her I didn't.

I can't even make conversation with the neighbors or my mom's Garden Club friends. I don't know how to talk to them!

Guys, what do you think it is?
Social anxiety or overthinking? Aspergers?
Help.

[LadyLucy offline]

Painfully shy, huh? Your...for lack of a better term...problem (sorry ^^;) seems to be a combination of anxiety and over thinking, which creates the panic attacks you mention.
It's not aspergers, I don't think, unless you do have a really high IQ (not saying you don't, but you didn't mention it so...) and possiably other social problems.
*hugs* Being social IS terrifying, so don't be ashamed of it. It's not a crime. Neither is just hanging out by yourself. I do it all the time. Take your time, like your man said. From how you descibe it, you mostly get nervous when with a group of people- or around someone who seems to be terrifing, a la your man's dad. (And honestly, did the guy really have to tell you all that stuff before you met the father? I'd be scared too!! He could've waited...^^; Oh well...)
It sounds like your fine just hanging out with your guy or one friend. It sounds like this happens more with strangers than people you know, which also makes sense. Society is so strange, with manners mixed in with modern age's total lack of disrespect, so don't feel bad when you panic. It's natural.
There's nothing wrong with you. And you're not alone. ^^

[Oliver Morley offline]

I've always been sort of a loner-type, I like spending time by myself to work on whatever I wanna, and I have very few close friends.
Whenever I get around people I don't know, I clam up and get very nervous.

I think it really started when I was in high school, every Friday night a few friends and I would go to the American Legion for dance night. I'd stand outside, bumming cigarettes off people and trying to scout out potential friends or lovers. But, within an hour, I'd usually end up having a panic attack, crying and feeling disillusioned.
I never went back there after high school. I felt like I didn't belong.

One incident, me and my friend Amber went to go see a movie, and Amber spots some of her friends after the film. I got nervous, so I insisted that we get leaving because I was hungry, but she wanted to stay. I hung back, but then I ended up trying to make small talk with her pals, and ended up looking like an idiot.

This type of incident has always happened with "friends of friends". I remember, I was at Joey's birthday party, I never talked, when I did I sounded extremely akward, and I clung to my now-ex the whole time.

Now I have a boyfriend. He's intelligent, freaking insane; but he also doesn't have the best family. He told me about his dad who's a sociopath (based on what he's told me) with an STD. He's a totes shady character, and when I finally met him, I didn't make any eye contact and spoke only two-word sentences.
Memphis told me afterward that his father thinks I have mental issues because I barely spoke. I told him the truth was that he f***ing terrified me.
I went over to his house back in April, his dad and grandmother were there, I did the same thing I'd done last time and totally withdrew.

The most recent incident was I had to drop my BF off at his grandparents, he asked me I wanted to meet his grandparents, he claimed they were really redneck, so I'm like "Why not....Let's get it over with..." Right before we got to the door, I stopped and I started tearing up, he turns to mand motions me on. I start to cry voice is getting warbly, I'm like "I c-can't do it..." I wanted to bolt out of there and just get out. He ended up walking me back to the car and calming me down. I later apologized to him.

Memphis thinks I'm just "making a mountain out of a molehill" or "overthinking". He's extremely logical...He says it'll take time.
I really don't know what's wrong with me. If I had Aspergers (No eye contact when speaking is a symptom), I'm pretty sure I'd have been diagnosed by now. The mother of a very close pal (Pal has Aspergers) told me that I may have it, I told her I didn't.

I can't even make conversation with the neighbors or my mom's Garden Club friends. I don't know how to talk to them!

Guys, what do you think it is?
Social anxiety or overthinking? Aspergers?
Help.

This is why I just ask. If I am going to be indoors for an extended period of time, I ask the owners/employees if it's ok. I would rather just ask than vape away and cause a problem. If they say no, then walk outside. No big deal. I don't see the issue.

[Phoenix Wolf offline]

Ok....Sorry if this is Necro posting...

Dead Violet, people with Aspurger's do have a hard time communicating with others. But you are who you are. And there is nothing wrong with you. You may be over thinking things sounds like that is what it is. What I am going to tell you is my story and you can take from it what you will. It will be a good thing because I didn't know I had anxiety and I was driving one of my best friends away he couldn't see me in pain because it hurt him too much. It was part anxiety and part aspurgers. Aspurgers you miss alot of nonverbal cues. And communication is 90 percent nonverbal cues.

However I have been through the same thing as you have Dead Violet and its a hard place to be in. I have ADHD, I am on the Spectrum with Auspurger's, and I have been in the same position with Anxiety both Social and Generalized. And it sucks. For years I have tried to deal with the anxiety on my own. I was not diagnosed until I fell into depression. Get outside exercise. If you drink alot of soda get off it and start drinking water it really does work. I asked for help on another form if you would like to see all the advice I recieved from various friends. I too am a loner I don't have alot of friends in real life most of them are via internet I have one friend that checks in on me every day to see how I am doing.

Medicine is not for everyone. But if you as you say are over thinking things to the point you are sick it might be something to look into. I am not afraid to admit I myself am on Abilifiy and Lexapro, as well as Xanax when I have panic attacks. These meds are working as a team to level out my neuro transmitters. That is what causes anxiety is your neurotransmitters being unbalanced. Other meds like Belspar are things to consider. If you go to webmd and look up Anxiety you will be able to find symptoms of anxiety.

If you have those symptoms you may want to talk to your doctor. People with Auspurgers are more prone to depression and anxiety then others.

You are not alone. And do not think that you are alone. There are alot of people who are going through what you are. Feel free to PM me.

Sincerely

LunarStar Phoenix Wolf

Eliza.