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Help telling Parents to STFU? (religious take head)

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Help telling Parents to STFU? (religious take head)

Postby DeadViolet » Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:30 pm

*don't look if y'all are religous types*

Back in September, I got in trouble for many things (pot smoking, shoplifting, class-cutting), and my father decided my "rebelliousness" was due to a lack of God.
Naturally, we started going to church.

The thing is, I'm Agnostic.
I mean, I like going to "youth" group, and the people there, but I don't really beleive in a God. I'm leaning towards Buddhism....

My father wants me baptized, and my mother wants me to convert to Christianity. I don't want to be a part of it. They're going to "join" the church we go to. I'm not doing it.

Mom always tells me to "get life back in my life".
WTF. I already have a life. I don't need any more. I don't want to be Christian. I don't approve of it, I think it's silly. Some of my friends are Christian, and I love them. I just....don't like them putting faith in something that's not there....

this year, my birthday falls on a sunday. As part of my celebration,
I told my mom I'm not going to church. She said "Well, you can just find somewhere else to live."
, with all seriousness.

Guys...I can't move out. I don't have the money, and I need to get my degree before I move out!
And I don't want them to shove their religous BS down my throat!!! I want some respect.
I CAN BE A GOOD, DECENT PERSON WITHOUT GOD.


How can I get them to shut up...??
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Postby Rail Runner » Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:38 pm

Unfortunately Haley, as long as you are living under your parents roof, and they are providing for you, what they say goes.

Only when you live on your own are you truly able to be yourself.

You may just have to suck it up and play nice until you can be on your own.

I didnt like doing the "catholic" thing either, but I did it until I was able to be on my own.

Once you are on your own, then you can choose for yourself.

Pm me if you want to talk about it further. :)

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Postby DeadViolet » Tue Feb 14, 2012 12:53 pm

But they can't *force* me to beleive in anything! We has the first amendment, don't we?

They can't kick me out over something as silly as a "God", can they?

This why I need a job. To start an escape fund...
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Postby Rail Runner » Tue Feb 14, 2012 1:02 pm

When you live under your parents roof, they can tell you what to do, and that goes for religious practices as well. The first amendment doesnt mean shit to parents when it comes to their kids in their household.

it would be a stupid reason to kick you out, but it could be done. Unfortunately, your parents have the upper hand at this point.

Good luck finding a job though. I have an IT degree and cant find a job as of yet.

You may just have to put up with the religious stuff until you get your own place.
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Postby LadyLucy » Tue Feb 14, 2012 1:37 pm

DV-chan, I understand EXACTLY how you feel, especailly with the whole under the parents roof thing. Believe me. You have a right to believe what you want, and I think that your parents are going over kill with the whole belief thing.
You could point out that being part of a organized religion doesn't mean you're gonna do bad things. Look at all the extremist shottings over the years, and after word how many shooters claim faith as part of their inspration. It's choices you make yourself, not what puppet master in the sky makes you makes those choices, that matters, in my opinion. (Does that make any sence?)
But...well, you could think of this way. Buddism, Islam, Christianity, and many other religions are all tied together. Granted, Buddism is often the gentlier, far more interesting path, you could make dirrection connections between Jesus and Buddha. So, if there is no way for you to sneak outta the stuff your parents are pushing you towards, instead of thinking of at as brain washing, try to think of at as a class. Play along and think of it rather as a story, a legand- which honestly, that's what it really is- instead of some in stone thing. That way you won't be brain washed, and when you're paying attention, you may actually find some good bible passages or quotes that could actually be used against your parents later on. It'd show you were listening, and that being a church member doesn't make you a saint.
Does that help at all?
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Re: Help telling Parents to STFU? (religious take head)

Postby Tekirai » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:25 pm

DeadViolet wrote:Back in September, I got in trouble for many things (pot smoking, shoplifting, class-cutting), and my father decided my "rebelliousness" was due to a lack of God.

My very first thing to do here is to ask your dad this: what does God have anything to do with the 'stupid' things you do as a teen? Forcing you to go to church when you don't want to isn't going to help anything. There's also what Lucy said about the millions of things a hell of a lot worse than shoplifting that people do 'in the name of God' - there really is no rhyme or reason to it.

So the only conclusion I can draw is that your parents don't know what to do about you and are homing in on the one thing they think will 'fix' you, but you're not a machine. A bit of Bible text isn't going to make your children saints. My only suggestion is to just.... behave? Don't do bad things anymore? And keep it that way? If they are trying to get you to go to church, refuse to go in the calmest and most polite manner you can manage. Getting frustrated and angry will just make them think OH NO TIME TO GET THE GOD POWERS BACK OUT OUR CHILD IS REBELLING AAAAA so I think if you act like you're responsible and emphasise that you should be allowed to make your own choices, there is no reason for them to threaten to throw you out of the house. Which, by the way, is ridiculous, and doesn't even sound legal...

I have to ask, though - are you still smoking pot and doing those other things? I think if you are, I honestly think stopping all of that will help you the most. Possibly easier said than done, but it does seem to be the root of your problems whether you're annoyed at your parents or not. But I'm not posting to be your moral compass. If you have stopped, that's all the LESS reason for your parents to be doing this. In which case... what I said before. Be calm and show that you don't need this religious business to be a 'better person'.
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Postby DeadViolet » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:40 pm

I haven't done anything bad since then! I've been drug-free since August!
And your last line, I've TRIED telling it to my Mom already, but....doesn't work. She thinks I want to be "evil" and "immoral".
Evil, no. Immoral, no.

Amoral, maybe....
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Postby TheTsunamix » Tue Feb 14, 2012 5:03 pm

How old are you? If you're under 18, then they have no right to kick you out for any reason as they are legally responsible for you until such. If you are 18+, then yeah, like Highway Runner said, they have every right to do such regardless.
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Postby DeadViolet » Tue Feb 14, 2012 9:27 pm

TheTsunamix wrote:How old are you? If you're under 18, then they have no right to kick you out for any reason as they are legally responsible for you until such. If you are 18+, then yeah, like Highway Runner said, they have every right to do such regardless.


I'm 19, and I'm turning 20 in a little less than two months.
"You live in our house, you follow our rules...."
SCREW YER HOUSE. >.>

Yeah, they also don't let me listen to Nirvana (one of my favorite bands!) because it makes me do "bad things". My DeviantArt (Tsorak-chan) also got f'ed up/deleted because I enjoy yaoi...
AND my father has said multiple times that he wants to sue DA because he claims my DA friends (some of who are aetheist/agnostic) "brainwashed" me....
Also, they told me I couldn't watch American Horror Story anymore.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS BS.
I AM NOT LYING HERE.
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Postby LadyLucy » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:47 pm

Well, you could always watch AHS episodes on youtube. You obvously have a connection to the internet, so you could watch them, then just delete the history.
And also listen to some Nirvana on youtube.
Oh, I got an idea. You like good rock music, right? There are some "christain" bands, that kick absolute butt. Flyleaf, for one, is amazing. There's Evanesence, of course, as well as Paramore. Some of their songs hint at faith, but since it's not over powering, one can focus on the awesomeness of the music. And if your parents kick up a fuss, just show them some of the lyrics. That'll shut them up, since they're probably not able to really understand creativity much, so they read how Flyleaf talks about Jesus and everything, and maybe that'll help.
Honestly, since your parents sound rather hard-headed, stubborn, and stuck in the I know what's good for you phase, it's best to just play along -yes, I know it sucks- and start looking for a job, if you haven't already, or someone to stay with. If you give them some sign of what they may consider maturity, and prove that you wanna move on into a real adult hood, where you can make your own decisions, they might slowly start to lay off.
In theory anyway. ^^;
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Postby Rail Runner » Wed Feb 15, 2012 6:58 am

Haley, please realize that if that is your only place to live, telling your parents "screw your house" is just being disrespectful.

You did things that made your parents react this way. Cutting class, smoking weed, whatever. If they were doing this out of the blue for no reason, then that would be a whole different story.

Although I will say, him suing DA will get him nowhere. except alot lighter in the wallet.

DA will say that you created the account out of your own free will, and whoever you added as friends were "your" choice.

Your best bet would be to chill out for a bit, realize that you have it pretty good right now, your parents are providing you with a place to live, and food, and whatnot. You may not like the religious bit thats going on, but until you move out, which you are not in any position to do, you need to respect them, and their household.

Can you afford your own place? No, Can you afford monthly bills like electricity, internet, whatever? on your own right now? No.

You are at an age where you feel like you can take on the world, or be on your own *most of us older LF'ers have been there*, but you need to slow down, and realize that its not as easy as it may seem to you. Im glad that you are kicking the weed, congrats, thats a step in the right direction. Show your parents that you are mature enough to handle situations, and things will get better.

I hope you dont think Im being mean, I consider you one of my best friends here, Im just being honest, and looking out for you, as a friend. This post may seem a bit harsh, and Im sorry, once again, Im only trying to help.

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Postby TheLQ » Wed Feb 15, 2012 4:06 pm

Jumping in on this, I see three options

1) If this is a semi-large church, try to find a pastor or other important person in the Church. Talk to them about your delima. I'm serious. Not everyone views the world as "You either go to Church or your an Atheist heathen who needs to die". You might have to go through a few people, but I'm sure you'll eventually find this person. Try to tell them that "Sorry, I just don't believe in your God, I believe in someone elses".. Tell them that you are not going on your own free will, your being forced. You are not gaining any of the benefits of going to Church, you feel imprisoned there. Remember Church is supposed to be a safe place that you want to be, not a scary castle that your dragged into.

In the end, try to get this person to talk to your parents. Have this person talk to your pastor. The more people you have behind you the better. Honestly I think that if you get some people behind you that all tell your parents "No, this is wrong. You can't force this upon your kid" they might be able to change their mind.

2) Go to Church, but be there in body, not mind. Cmon, just pretend its a boring class that has no real significance. This will most likely work well for Sermon. Now if your going to something like Bible Study its a little different. Being able to disappear into the crowd is harder when its only a couple of people, but if your just sit there quietly they might not notice. Heck, you can even try to use #1 above on them.

3) Based on your age, I assume your in College? If so, I assume your parents are paying for it? This is probably something else they are holding over your head. Well realize this: 1) They have already paid for your first year or two of college. That alone is a shit ton of money. If they say something like "We invested X amount of money already, if you don't abide by our rules your going to have to pay us that" just ignore it. The school has already been paid, and they can't even take you to court. Your just left with the rest.

If you really cannot take it, if your reaching the end of your patience, if your going to go batshit crazy if you have to live through any more of it (I'm being serious), then join the ranks of vast majority of people in college and move out. With the money stream, tons of people go to college on student loans. That might be scary, but obviously its successful as a majority of people are able to pay it off. I'm going through this process right now. Its scary at first, but if you stick with it you will be successful.

Now the dangerous part with this plan is that it requires lots of self-initiative and self-motivation on your part. You need to be able to stick with college and please, please, PLEASE don't drop out. You also need to find a job to have some amount of living money and get a start on your resume. If you think this is crazy realize that this is called life: You eventually need to work. Lastly, you need to budget living money and "Fun money". Many people fail with this when they move out, get a job, and then blow their paycheck on alcohol or weed. Bad. Have control.

This is the option that is the most scary but you'll have to do it eventually; you can't live with your parents forever. This will tell your parents that no, you don't need to leech off them. You can gain lots of respect, distance, freedom, and experience all at the same time.

(Full disclosure: I am Christian, but I believe that you can believe whatever you want. Your deity can be the Flying Spaghetti Monster for all I care. Second, I'm in college (currently typing this during class). Third, me and my dad had a huge falling out and I just left. My situation was slightly different and I was able to go to my mom's, but I was able to tell my dad to essentially go fuck himself. My mom had a less extreme issues with me but still constantly complained about my habits, lack of job, lack of skill, and general lack of everything to the point where she almost kicked me out the summer before I started college. Well when I got here guess what: I took on the hardest school at my university (Engineering School), refused to fail or wash out to the Business school, got a job, moved into my own dorm, and became a good college student, all contrary to what my mom said. From this process I've gained an immense amount of respect from my mom and even my dad and stepmom.)

Hope this helps
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Postby DeadViolet » Fri Feb 17, 2012 10:49 am

TheLQ wrote:2) Go to Church, but be there in body, not mind. Cmon, just pretend its a boring class that has no real significance. This will most likely work well for Sermon. Now if your going to something like Bible Study its a little different. Being able to disappear into the crowd is harder when its only a couple of people, but if your just sit there quietly they might not notice. Heck, you can even try to use #1 above on them.


I always do that......Daydream it away...
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Postby xiaozanghou » Sun Feb 19, 2012 12:41 pm

Find a hobby that lets you get out of the house so that you can do whatever you do in your spare time without bothering them. Go to the library so you can look at yaoi in peace, take up jogging or go to the gym so you can listen to Nirvana without them heckling you, go to church and pretend to worship while planning your resources for moving out. Heck, save up for a dorm or crash with friends. If you want to steal/do drugs, don't get caught.

You can't change your parents. So just be pleasant to them. Help them out. Show them that you can do things without being prompted and without dragging religion into it. You might have to rely on them later on if things go bad, even after you get out, and it's best to have a decent relationship with them.
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