This may be early but how can I tell my parents

[xiaozanghou offline]

Tekirai, calling him cruel, selfish, and childish is a huge overreaction and one he doesn't deserve at all.

He's not being selfish or cruel, he's being cautious, otherwise he would have told his girlfriend already instead of consulting us. As for childish, it would be a heck of a lot more childish to not ask anybody for advice when he's uncertain about a heavy issue like marriage.

It's all about him because that's the only point of view he understands right now. He said nothing about telling his girlfriend and appears to be reluctant to really tell anyone at this point. The fact that he expected most of the responses in this thread shows that he is well aware of how his idea may be received--by his girlfriend and by others.

We've established already that he's young and he admits he is letting his feelings cloud his judgment just a little. That's fine considering where he is in life. It's better for him to experience these feelings now and get advice on what to do rather than keep it to himself and make a decision he might regret later.

As for emotional damage if/when those hypothetical early marriage plans fall through: the chance of that is minimal at best. If his girlfriend is sensible, she will be able to look back at her high-school romance and laugh at how enthusiastic she was. If she's not... well, be glad she isn't getting married!

Whatever people say, matsumo itsu, it was a good idea to post this topic.

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

Yeeeeah, Iunno about that. Reap what you sew?

By the way, I'm bumping this into rants, as it is of a highly-personal nature, and is advice-giving.


And don't feel pressured to give out any more information than you need to... first rule of foruming: What happens in Lyokofreak ends up in Peps iPiper or Rodri's signature.

[Mewberries151]

Thanks, AB. Good idea there with the move. ^^

And @xiaozanghou: The reason I think this thread and matsumo are coming off as "selfish/childish" (although I can't speak for Tekirai) is because this whole thread was reeking of "Validate Me!".

If you look at the trend of posts, there's a fine selection of well-thought out posts that give insight into why getting married "now" is a poor idea. Followed by one or two responses by matsumo explaining why he still thinks it's a good idea (without really once responding to or even seeming to consider anything that's been said).

Then along comes jym with, an admittedly well-written post that gives contrary advice (which I don't personally agree with, but will admit was at least presented clearly). And matsumo jumps on it.

That just makes it look like he wanted people to "validate" him or agree with his decision regardless of how bad or ill-informed a decision it may be and how contrary the advice was.

...And now that we find out this supposed proposal/marriage isn't going to be for 5 years now, I really do have to wonder what the point was to making this thread. If you were curious about marrying at a young age or marrying after not knowing someone very long, why didn't you just make a thread about that instead of making it about you specifically if it wasn't an immediate problem?

[Tekirai offline]

Mew has it and yet sort of doesn't - I would be more accepting of the idea that the guy's being cautious if it weren't for the fact that he didn't seem to be listening to anyone who disagrees with the idea. And then Jym posts and he actually says "your answer is my favourite". A favourite answer, which I know had its points, but was the complete opposite of what the majority of people in this thread were saying. It was as if he actually read his post!!

The fact that he didn't read my post at all (I'm aware it was a bit tl;dr (lol ily knifey) really annoyed me, because it felt as if he didn't care about what I said. It just looked as if he went "okay another person who doesn- WAAAAAAT they called me bad!!" and considering the points I tried to highlight, my second post was a little more... direct. It didn't look as if he was taking any of the people saying no seriously. That said, I stand by thinking the kid's being cruel to this girl, because as I said, he still hasn't mentioned how the girl might feel about this even once. It gives me the opinion that he doesn't care about her, even though he probably does. :/ If his point of the view is the "only one he understands", then he really needs to fix that.

The culmination of all of this gives me the impression of "Validate me!", as Mew said. A thread made and judged by people on the internet, knowing he's going to get people disagreeing, on top of the fact that he doesn't seem to have thought this whole thing through (or the arguments we pose). If you're desperate for approval of an idea, it usually means that idea isn't a very good one. This is a choice the guy might really regret.

The points of my posts were to get him to realise that the girl's opinion matters too, not to make him out to be horrible or rile him up.

[Stonecreek]

Well, neither AB or Mew moved this to Rants, so I will.

[matsumo itsu offline]

tekirai sorry if it seems as if I wasn't paying attention to your posts, I have nothing to say about the people saying no is because I was hoping for that answer of waiting, I respond on the ones I don't agree with (even if they happen to be my favorite btw). But I usually take the better responses to heart not to brain (if that makes sense any?)

[JesusFreak offline]

tekirai sorry if it seems as if I wasn't paying attention to your posts, I have nothing to say about the people saying no is because I was hoping for that answer of waiting, I respond on the ones I don't agree with (even if they happen to be my favorite btw). But I usually take the better responses to heart not to brain (if that makes sense any?)

I think so. Are you saying it's harder to say something to a post you don't agree with even to respond? I'm a bit unclear on things.


As for your OP...

What I would advise is not to worry about marriage. Marriage needs more than lovey-dovey feelings that can vanish in a minute. I would get to know this girl a LOT more than a few months. Heck, even after 3 years, you can still find out new things about a person you thought you knew, or that their attitude towards you has changed because of something you don't quite know about concerning how you do things or things like that. [size=0]Yes I know this from experience no I'm not bitter[/size]

Also, do you have a job? I would at least try to get a good paying job you could support two (with savings) on before you think of marriage. Yeah.


I hope this helps, even a little bit.