My grandparents

[Carth]

This is more of a rant than a plea for assistance, but in any case...

Both my maternal and paternal grandfathers have been ailing for a long time, the former more than the latter. My maternal grandfather, who smoked for forty years, has Parkinson's, several cancers, and can hardly talk or recognize his family. I'm not quite aware of everything that's going on with my paternal grandfather, but he's also been in poor shape for a while.

Today, my mother informed me that the family is talking about moving my maternal grandfather into a nursing home, because my grandmother simply cannot cope with caring for him anymore. (Both of my grandmothers are in robust health as far as I know, apart from exhaustion at having to care for their husbands.) As well, there are concerns about my paternal grandfather, as his heart is very weak, and there is fluid building in his legs and in his lungs. We're going up to see them in a few weeks.

I'm scared for them, not only because this is going to be a rough summer for all of us, but because if one or both of them dies - and it does seem to me like they're on their last legs - I don't know if I'll know how to handle it. I've never had any deaths so close to the family before, and with the distance that separates my family from the rest geographically...basically, it's a scary threshold, and once it's crossed I won't know what to expect from my life or from others.

I ask you to hope that they can live as long and as happily as they can, and that the family can stay strong and remember them for who they are and were - and that I can support my own family as well as I can. 8<

[matsumo itsu offline]

they will be in my prayers, all of them. I will keep you in my prayers also. If something does happen remember to try your hardest to stay strong, at that point it will be near impossible to have any strength left. Just try your hardest to remain strong. It is painful to lose anyone in your family I've lost both my grandmothers and know the feel. If you need to talk pm me at any time, and I hope things turn out for the best.

[TheLQ offline]

The grieving process is very hard, but necessary to accept the death of a close family member. Its just something that you have to go through. We will all die sometime. You can prepare for it by spending quality time with them. Don't wait till afterwords, it will only be worse.

[. offline]

Now I too have a grandparent on their last legs, my grandmother doesn't have anything wrong with her (shockingly, despite smoking all her life), but shes in her 90's. I've resigned to the fact that every day is barrowed time now.

Now I'm very lucky, I've never been close to my grandmother (not that shes not nice, I just never warmed up to her) and at this point... well obviously I'm going to keep myself at an emotional distance. I am very much afraid of her death over how it will affect everyone else around me, and I see myself as the person that'll need to be strong and supportive to help my mama deal with it.

My best advice I can offer is what I did, which is rationalizing it. My grandmother lived a full life. When she dies I'll simply be like "Well played old woman, well played".

[green offline]

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

I'm sorry the only advice I can give is a quote from somewhere I don't even know, but I think it holds.

[SilverPrince offline]

I reiterate what everyone else has said; that it's important to try and focus on the fact that they lived a good life, and to try and stay strong.

Try not to think about the death. And I don't mean that like plug your ears, go "LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU" and pretend they will never die. But don't make the fact that they're not in the best shape all you think about. If you go and see one of your grandparents, try to make it as normal as possible. Have a good time. Be happy. Try your hardest to keep the sadness at bay during these difficult times. I can't give you advice on how, exactly, to go about doing that. It's different for every person. I know all of these things are easier said than done. But just know that you're not alone. Families make excellent support networks, as do Internet forums. =)

[. offline]

I reiterate what everyone else has said; that it's important to try and focus on the fact that they lived a good life, and to try and stay strong.

Try not to think about the death. And I don't mean that like plug your ears, go "LA LA LA CAN'T HEAR YOU" and pretend they will never die. But don't make the fact that they're not in the best shape all you think about. If you go and see one of your grandparents, try to make it as normal as possible. Have a good time. Be happy. Try your hardest to keep the sadness at bay during these difficult times. I can't give you advice on how, exactly, to go about doing that. It's different for every person. I know all of these things are easier said than done. But just know that you're not alone. Families make excellent support networks, as do Internet forums. =)

Here's a happy thought I want spend my last seconds alive dwelling on. It's that Micheal Caine was in Jaws 4: The Revenge. The plot of which is when the shark from the first movie comes back for revenge... You know, the shark they BLEW UP? Micheal Caine won an academy award that year and failed to show up at the ceremony to work on that piece of crap.

It never fails to bring a smile to my face.

[matsumo itsu offline]

Believe someone said it earlier that you can be very disrespectful and sometimes rude. Seriously this is a serious issue not a time for movies. He tries to make jokes about the worst things ever like if his grandma were to die he would say "Well played?"
Really who does that?

Anyway on topic: I hope things are going better for your grandparents! Like I said I will be here if you need someone to talk to. If you a religious person or just believe in a god just stick near the god and don't break off from the god's path.

[Carth]

D.T. Evolution, this is not the forum to make a post with a tangential remark about yourself without any other content. And while your method is definitely a way some might cope with a loss, I just can't see the humanity in distancing yourself from a family member so that you won't be hurt when they're gone...

In any case, as far as I know nothing's changed, but this is something that will be played out over months ahead. My whole family is religious, so prayers will fill the air, I'm sure.

[matsumo itsu offline]

That is great! Put all your faith in god and if it is his will he will heal them. Just don't think if he doesn't then he's bad! Do not think that, Also your grandparents will remain in my prayers, keep me updated please

[TheAppleFreak]

This is a shame, and I'm pretty sure that neither of them deserve this to happen to them. My recommendations are to enjoy as much time as possible with them, and enjoy the time they have left. I will keep them in my prayers.

[mcrlvr394 offline]

You're in my prayers. I too have a grandparent going through some things with cancer, so I can relate to what you're saying in a way. Just keep your faith, and God's will will decide how things go.

[Carth]

My grandfather died this morning. He had a long, full, happy life capped with terrible suffering, but now that suffering is over, and we know he is in a better place.

I think that's all I can say. It hasn't really hit me yet...

[SilverPrince offline]

Carth, I'm so sorry. I don't know if you were particularly close with your grandfather, but dealing with any death can be difficult. I lost a grandmother two years ago; she would have been 87 last Monday. If I can offer any advice or solace for a time like this, it would be to let yourself feel what you need to feel. It sounds kinda awkward but what I mean is, people grieve in different ways. Cry, pray, write, whatever. And if you don't feel the emotional need to do any of those things, don't feel as if you're in the wrong because of it. Find your own way through this. But don't hesitate to talk to any of us, should you want to.

[Rail Runner offline]

Carth, Im so sorry to hear that he passed. We are here for you.

[matsumo itsu offline]

may he RIP I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

[jym1 offline]

it's important to stay close to family and friends for some time while you mentally digest it and come to terms with it.
I was out of the country when my grandfather died, so it didn't really hit me for some time. I don't know if it ever really hit me...I just kind of kept moving on and tried not to think about it. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I'd suggest keeping the support structure of your family near.
my he rest in peace.

edit: looking at the time stamp I see that I'm a few weeks too late...
hope everything is going well for you Carth