My friend is cheating

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

I have a friend who's cheating on his girl. Every night, with a different woman. I want to tell her, but I don't want them to break up, because when they're together they're really sweet, and he's usually a great guy. It's baffling how she doesn't realize it anyway. He goes to a club called Royal Palms where women wrestle in baby oil, and he'll come back home at 2 in the morning to the apartment we share. She asks him why he's so covered in oil and he says "Oh, I was at Royal Palms and, uh, the cook got a bit carried away." And she believes him, dude. It's burning a hole in my lips not to just say "God, open your eyes, he's cheating on you!" but this particular friend and I have been tight since the 5th grade. It's not fair to her, but I feel that I would be a traitor to do that to him. I'm starting to wonder whether or not she's in denial anyway. Help would be nice.

[TheLQ offline]

This is only a personal opinion, and there's not really a "right" answer.

I would turn the other way. The reason is that telling isn't going to do much for either of them. If you tell then she's going to be pissed at him and he is going to be pissed at you. Who wins? Nobody. However, if you don't tell, things will go on normally. Then when she eventually finds out (can't hide anything forever, period) she is angry at him, he is angry at himself, and your not in trouble. Who wins? Everyone.

--

On a side note, that seems like a... weird place. Women wrestling bathed in oil? Meh

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

On a side note, that seems like a... weird place. Women wrestling bathed in oil?

I never saw the appeal in it myself. I never went to those places anyway. No interest. Why look if you can't touch? Unless of course you're, well... you know.

[smiller offline]

I think she would be even more upset if she knew that you knew and you didn't tell her. You could just give her a little evidence, and tell her not to tell him it was you that had you find out. I mean, she could of just followed him one night.

[. offline]

evaluate something: How much you care about this girl. Are you calling her a friend? if you are, your being an butthole and doing a disservice to her. Your choice is to either slink away from being friends with her or tell her. If she is your friend but your closer to the cheating asshole? then side with the cheating asshole. Bros before hos.

Though honestly, it's his choice to cheat and her choice to be blind to it and at the end of the day it's none of your business it seems. Looking at it objectively, I'd stay out of it.

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

evaluate something: How much you care about this girl. Are you calling her a friend? if you are, your being an asshole and doing a disservice to her. Your choice is to either slink away from being friends with her or tell her. If she is your friend but your closer to the cheating asshole? then side with the cheating asshole. Bros before hos.

Though honestly, it's his choice to cheat and her choice to be blind to it and at the end of the day it's none of your business it seems. Looking at it objectively, I'd stay out of it.

It's "you're being an asshole", not your. Grammar nazi moment. And don't call him an asshole, only I can do that. And yeah, it involved people I care about. And live with. So it is my buisness.

[TheLQ offline]

Just a quick FYI: If (when she finds out) she turns to you and asks if you knew about this, just deny it and be serious about it. I know it might be awkward to lie but its for everyone's benifit. Compare pros and cons:

Pros (telling): She knows the truth. She also might want to be friends with you instead.
Cons (telling): Your friend is pissed at you. She is now pissed at him. This might cost you your friendship

Pros (not telling and lying): Things go on the way they normally would. If she finds out and you deny, she might be freinds with you instead. Your friend will still be friends with you since its his fault. Everyone is happy.
Cons (not telling and lying): Your lying which means there is moral baggage along with this.

I look at the stats and say the latter one is the best. I've outlined it as best as I can, its up to you to make the decision.

---

VV, you've been quite angry lately. Anything wrong?

[Rho offline]

Women...wrestling in baby oil?
Um, what? Is that supposed to be hot or something? Seems lame to me.

Anyway, you should confront your friend and tell him how you feel about this and try to get him to knock it off. That's about all you can do without causing a break-up yourself.

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

Women...wrestling in baby oil?
Um, what? Is that supposed to be hot or something? Seems lame to me.

Anyway, you should confront your friend and tell him how you feel about this and try to get him to knock it off. That's about all you can do without causing a break-up yourself.

Oh, right, I forgot to mention-they're not wearing anything. That's probably the appeal in it. I've nicknamed him Tiger Woods, and that's all the hint I'll give her.

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

... And she's not getting it?!?!

I don't really know what to do in that kind of situation... On one hand, you do have to keep your relationship with your friend in good standing, but on the other, it is their relationship with their respective other, not yours. Quite a dilemma.

Have you tried talking to him? Telling isn't necessarily your only option... actual dilemmas between two choices are usually false... there may be an alternative.

[. offline]

evaluate something: How much you care about this girl. Are you calling her a friend? if you are, your being an asshole and doing a disservice to her. Your choice is to either slink away from being friends with her or tell her. If she is your friend but your closer to the cheating asshole? then side with the cheating asshole. Bros before hos.

Though honestly, it's his choice to cheat and her choice to be blind to it and at the end of the day it's none of your business it seems. Looking at it objectively, I'd stay out of it.

It's "you're being an asshole", not your. Grammar nazi moment. And don't call him an asshole, only I can do that. And yeah, it involved people I care about. And live with. So it is my buisness.

Just my humble opinion that anyone who cheats is that. How is it your business sir? How does this effect you, aside from your burdening conscience?

Does she live there/contribute to the rent? Cause if she did I'd flip a bitch about that.

Angelbolt is right, the third alternative is you do nothing, keep popcorn on stand by... cause you know... eventually there's gonna be a show!

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

evaluate something: How much you care about this girl. Are you calling her a friend? if you are, your being an asshole and doing a disservice to her. Your choice is to either slink away from being friends with her or tell her. If she is your friend but your closer to the cheating asshole? then side with the cheating asshole. Bros before hos.

Though honestly, it's his choice to cheat and her choice to be blind to it and at the end of the day it's none of your business it seems. Looking at it objectively, I'd stay out of it.

It's "you're being an asshole", not your. Grammar nazi moment. And don't call him an asshole, only I can do that. And yeah, it involved people I care about. And live with. So it is my buisness.

Just my humble opinion that anyone who cheats is that. How is it your business sir? How does this effect you, aside from your burdening conscience?

Does she live there/contribute to the rent? Cause if she did I'd flip a bitch about that.

Angelbolt is right, the third alternative is you do nothing, keep popcorn on stand by... cause you know... eventually there's gonna be a show!

You know what, you're right, good sir. I'll just stand by until she finds out and cuts his head off in his sleep. Yes, she does throw in to the rent. Which is freaking high.

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

Gah, Pepsi, that's not what I mean. If he feels he should act, he should. That doesn't mean start taking bets *hits with shovel*

Look, I don't know the entire situation, but I'm certain you do. If what you want to do is put pressure on him, then try to do it indirectly.

Back in mod mode, go back and edit the respective posts for language now, before I do it for you.

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

Gah, Pepsi, that's not what I mean. If he feels he should act, he should. That doesn't mean start taking bets *hits with shovel*

Look, I don't know the entire situation, but I'm certain you do. If what you want to do is put pressure on him, then try to do it indirectly.

Back in mod mode, go back and edit the respective posts for language now, before I do it for you.

Do it for me. I'm tired.

[. offline]

Moral Note: The following post has been written under the influence of alcohol.

evaluate something: How much you care about this girl. Are you calling her a friend? if you are, your being an asshole and doing a disservice to her. Your choice is to either slink away from being friends with her or tell her. If she is your friend but your closer to the cheating asshole? then side with the cheating asshole. Bros before hos.

Though honestly, it's his choice to cheat and her choice to be blind to it and at the end of the day it's none of your business it seems. Looking at it objectively, I'd stay out of it.

It's "you're being an asshole", not your. Grammar nazi moment. And don't call him an asshole, only I can do that. And yeah, it involved people I care about. And live with. So it is my buisness.

Just my humble opinion that anyone who cheats is that. How is it your business sir? How does this effect you, aside from your burdening conscience?

Does she live there/contribute to the rent? Cause if she did I'd flip a bitch about that.

Angelbolt is right, the third alternative is you do nothing, keep popcorn on stand by... cause you know... eventually there's gonna be a show!

You know what, you're right, good sir. I'll just stand by until she finds out and cuts his head off in his sleep. Yes, she does throw in to the rent. Which is freaking high.

First off, A, I'm very much well aware I have reputation of a jerk around here but I swear I'm being serious. If I were you I'd confront your friend, and bassically berate him for what he's doing because you know what? Take friendship out of the equation, if he's girl finds out she'll either leave or force him out which is 1/3 your freaking rent. If that happens, what are you gonna do? What about the roof over your head?

Unless you deeply give a damn a girl, and I mean that in a sense that she means more to you then the roof over your head, by all means tell her. It's your conscience, and only your morals can rule you sir, though if that was the case I don't think you'd be turning to a collection of message board posters for help.

If that's not the case, go to your jerk of a friend and tell him either A. get his act in gear and not cheat on his girl cause you don't want to be homeless or B. tell homeboy to better hide his blatanly obvious fucking cheating. To sweaten the deal that if he doesn't do one or the other you'll tell him anyway. Doing so will clear your conscience and if homeboy wasn't going to go about being smarter about his adultery you'd lose the roof over your head anyway.

BTW I feel deeply sorry you're in the situation your in threw no fault of your own and that the moral lapses of others are affecting you. Not that my pity means much, but believe you me, I do honestly feel it for you. I'm being sincere.

[. offline]

Gah, Pepsi, that's not what I mean. If he feels he should act, he should. That doesn't mean start taking bets *hits with shovel*

Look, I don't know the entire situation, but I'm certain you do. If what you want to do is put pressure on him, then try to do it indirectly.

Back in mod mode, go back and edit the respective posts for language now, before I do it for you.

It was a semi-truthful joke. That's what a part of me would want to do. Hell, I live for those conflict moments at work. Free entertainment.

BTW, I am more then willing to bend to the rules of moderators, ma'am, because this is your forum and you do what you like. I'll go about changing the language, though if it's not done well enough please excuse the fact that the edit was made under inebriation.

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

That's enough out of the both of you.

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

That's enough out of the both of you.

Thanks for all your help. Sheesh.

[Overcaffeinated Sloth offline]

... *facepalm*

I mean both of you, back on topic.

[Vodka's Vengeance offline]

... *scissor kick* I've got all the advice I need, people can stop replying to this now.