Not exactly a "Rant"

[SilverPrince offline]

I guess I just need to talk about it. That makes it sound serious; it's really not. I promise.

So I'm 17 year old male in High School. One would think that romance and chasing after the <s>opposite</s> same sex would form a major part of my life. Well it doesn't. Sure, I've been in relationships. Most of them weren't any kind of serious and the one that was was a fiasco that I never wanted to be in in the first place. But I've always been more of a brainiac and I'm fairly socially awkward. And I've never had enough self-esteem to think of myself as any kind of "dateable".

Tonight I went to the movies with a friend of mine, an event I explained in the BKO Hangout Thread. I assure you the post is fit to post in open forum:

So tonight, in what could possibly be called the closest thing to date I have ever been on, I saw a movie with a friend of mine. We held hands for a good majority of the movie, but I don't think that meant anything; he just does that. It wasn't a romance, it was a musical- Fame. 'Twas good.

The moment he sent me the text message asking if I'd like to see the movie, I thought "Is this a date?" I felt like it was going to be pretty casual, but I shaved and put on a polo shirt just to be safe. So he and I went and saw the movie. We each paid for our own tickets (we got there at separate times) and there wasn't enough time to get popcorn or anything. I operated as if it were just like going to see a movie with friends. Except it was just the two of us. As I mentioned earlier, we did hold hands, but it wasn't because of spontaneous romance. At least, I don't think it was.

I'll digress a bit, to explain my belief on why the hand-holding wasn't particularly significant. Yesterday was my school's homecoming. I sat with a group of friends that included this person. It was the first time I had ever really significantly communicated with him. He's a nice guy. He did such things as putting an arm around my shoulder or holding my hand, in an obvious joking manner. I assumed it was in the same joking manner that we held hands for half of movie. Of course, I could be insanely naive. But this just isn't something I've ever had to think about before.

Anyway, we watched the movie, making several hushed humorous remarks, comments on the plot and the cast (like, for example, how the alleged "High School Freshmen" who looked to be about 23.) After the movie we chatted while waiting for our rides and then we hugged goodbye. Both of us are huggy people.

After I got home he texted me saying quote "I would call that a date, right. Lol." There goes my "just hanging out" theory. He and I have since decided that it was an "unofficial" date. His facebook status mentions that he "enjoyed Fame and his (unofficial) date :-)".

Well.

Just the thought of dating makes me feel pretty apprehensive. I feel like I would be unable to socially commit myself to a person. I don't know how to be romantic. I just imagine myself being awkward and embarrassing. At the same time, I can't say I wouldn't mind dating the guy. He's a fun fellow. Very happy.

Of course, I could be completely overreacting. He could have absolutely no intention of making anything serious out of it. I don't even know if I want to make something serious out of it. Of course, I don't have the kind of initiative to make the move myself. >.>

My point is that suddenly I have to think about relationships and dating. About how I look and how I act and if I'm being an adequate enough boyfriend. I'm more comfortable about the whole dating thing than I was in Freshman year, but I'm still very apprehensive about the whole thing.

If anything comes of this situation, I shall keep you updated. Because I know you're all so interested about my relationship status.

[Carth]

You talk a lot about being apprehensive. If I'm reading this right, I'd say you're doing some things right. This guy does appear to have some interest in you (your orientations are the same, right? just clearing that up) and if this is a "joke", he does appear to be prolonging it...or maybe this is me getting overexcited about this and interpreting everything in one direction. If you're worried about his sincerity, watch to see if this sort of thing persists. Generally, this sort of thing gets clearer as time goes on. Especially since it appears you've only known this guy in this close a sense for less than a week.

Anyway, as for everything you appear to be nervous about, all I can see is that if you just sit and be indecisive, you're never going to know any of it for sure. So, if you think that dating him would be something of a good idea (which it appears you do), and you think he might be interested (and I mean going beyond this joking sort of flirtation), go for it! <s>And look on the bright side- sometimes awkward and embarrassing is appealing!</s>

Because I know you're all so interested about my relationship status.

No, I would actually like to see what comes of this! And if writing it out helps you in some way, then do that, by all means.

At this point, I will give you clichéd statements. Don't worry about how anyone will see you- if someone can't accept you for who you are, they're not worth it, simple fling or not-so-simple fling. And on top of all that srs business, have fun with it! Life's too short to angst. And in any case, congrats on finding someone sort of special like. ^__^

I hope some of this helps...

[Stonecreek]

Hate to be a wet blanket here, but make sure he's not using you, or planning to publically humiliate you. Joke-dates can turn into something far more hurtful. Dunno the situation at your school, but sexuality at mine was a very touchy subject; one kid ended up transferring to a different district when he got made mde fun of when people thought he was gay (and he wasn't).

On the positive side, I do really hope that this is for real. A nice, slow approach would seem to work here. The movie is a good first step. I, for one, was too dense when I was in high school to see these types of situations as dates. I just didn't think that way then. So, the fact that he tected you, he held your hand, and he then sent the text after the movie would mean the ball is square in your court now. Time for you to decide if you want to reciprocate or not.

You could stick with the maybe they are, maybe they aren't type dates for a bit and see how that feels. Or, come clean now and say, "Hey, I liked that date. Would you be interested in another?" That is an extreme example, and probably far too forward-sounding for the stage you are at right now. If it were me, I'm just enjoy what I have right now.

And, if you are still listening to this advice from a guy who has been on exactly 3 "real" dates and is the king of "I just want you to be my friend" relationships, bravo.

And, seeing as Carth posted whiel I was composing this, time to take what she said into consideration.

Yes, clear up orientation thing pronto. And it's OK to be awkward; I've never really grown out of that, and I get along with people fine...I just never manage to score anything other than platatonic relationships.

[Rail Runner offline]

SilverPrince, in all honesty, it seems like this guy likes you, do you like him in return, if yes, then ask for another date. Most people are apprehensive around a forming relationship, but the best thing you can do is just to ask for another date and see how it goes. If you and he both seem to click more, then think about asking him to be your partner. If you dont ask for another date, you wont know for sure if he really really likes you. I hope this made sense. I wish you the best of luck with this.

[SilverPrince offline]

Dunno the situation at your school, but sexuality at mine was a very touchy subject; one kid ended up transferring to a different district when he got made mde fun of when people thought he was gay (and he wasn't).

Well, my school is relatively urban. Not Detroit urban, but still urban. A majority- or at least a good portion of the students- aren't exactly gay friendly. Gay people and rap music tend not to mix. I recall that during our freshman year, during an assembly in which we elected our class officers, the openly gay candidate for Vice President was booed. However, I tend to believe that if you don't bother them, they won't bother you. I've never heard of any really horrible homophobia in my school. *knock on wood* And the Vice President survived to see another day. And to see a movie with me yesterday. ;)

(your orientations are the same, right? just clearing that up)

Yes. Yes they are.

Hate to be a wet blanket here, but make sure he's not using you, or planning to publically humiliate you.

I really can't imagine him doing this. It is true that gay men can be evil beeyotches, but I don't think he's one of them. He just doesn't seem to be the type. (It's my woman's intuition.)

SilverPrince, in all honesty, it seems like this guy likes you, do you like him in return, if yes, then ask for another date. Most people are apprehensive around a forming relationship, but the best thing you can do is just to ask for another date and see how it goes. If you and he both seem to click more, then think about asking him to be your partner. If you dont ask for another date, you wont know for sure if he really really likes you. I hope this made sense. I wish you the best of luck with this.

And HR, you do make sense. Perfect sense. I've just got to, well, grow a pair. And some initiative.

[TheLQ offline]

SilverPrince, one of the things i want to point out to you is showing this at school. Now i know that this may be a touchy subject for some people, and everyone has their own opinions, but i'll try to put as much logic as i can into this.

First, lemme get this out of the way: I have nothing wrong with same sex relationships. I think everyone has the right to choose who they want to choose, same sex or not. I just think that some logic needs to be put into it.

One of the problems i see at my school (with a surprisingly large same sex relationship community), is people that flaunt that they like the same sex. Now i think people should be able to do that, other couples do it all the time. However, not everyone thinks like me. I'm friends with a guy who is in a same sex relationship, and wants everyone to know it. He holds make out sessions in the middle of the hallway in between classes. I'm also one of his only friends. Not too many people like him, just because of his orientation.

At school, you shouldn't come out and tell everyone, but don't hide it. Just withhold the information. If you think theirs no diffrence, there is. Hiding it is not telling anyone and lying when people ask you directly. Withholding the information is not telling anyone BUT not lying when people ask. That way, everyone is finding out on their own, not letting it spread like fire to the entire class.

Just trying to help you out. I have no problems with what your doing, i'm just trying to make sure you can still hang out with all your friends.