So I'm 17 year old male in High School. One would think that romance and chasing after the <s>opposite</s> same sex would form a major part of my life. Well it doesn't. Sure, I've been in relationships. Most of them weren't any kind of serious and the one that was was a fiasco that I never wanted to be in in the first place. But I've always been more of a brainiac and I'm fairly socially awkward. And I've never had enough self-esteem to think of myself as any kind of "dateable".
Tonight I went to the movies with a friend of mine, an event I explained in the BKO Hangout Thread. I assure you the post is fit to post in open forum:
So tonight, in what could possibly be called the closest thing to date I have ever been on, I saw a movie with a friend of mine. We held hands for a good majority of the movie, but I don't think that meant anything; he just does that. It wasn't a romance, it was a musical- Fame. 'Twas good.
The moment he sent me the text message asking if I'd like to see the movie, I thought "Is this a date?" I felt like it was going to be pretty casual, but I shaved and put on a polo shirt just to be safe. So he and I went and saw the movie. We each paid for our own tickets (we got there at separate times) and there wasn't enough time to get popcorn or anything. I operated as if it were just like going to see a movie with friends. Except it was just the two of us. As I mentioned earlier, we did hold hands, but it wasn't because of spontaneous romance. At least, I don't think it was.
I'll digress a bit, to explain my belief on why the hand-holding wasn't particularly significant. Yesterday was my school's homecoming. I sat with a group of friends that included this person. It was the first time I had ever really significantly communicated with him. He's a nice guy. He did such things as putting an arm around my shoulder or holding my hand, in an obvious joking manner. I assumed it was in the same joking manner that we held hands for half of movie. Of course, I could be insanely naive. But this just isn't something I've ever had to think about before.
Anyway, we watched the movie, making several hushed humorous remarks, comments on the plot and the cast (like, for example, how the alleged "High School Freshmen" who looked to be about 23.) After the movie we chatted while waiting for our rides and then we hugged goodbye. Both of us are huggy people.
After I got home he texted me saying quote "I would call that a date, right. Lol." There goes my "just hanging out" theory. He and I have since decided that it was an "unofficial" date. His facebook status mentions that he "enjoyed Fame and his (unofficial) date :-)".
Well.
Just the thought of dating makes me feel pretty apprehensive. I feel like I would be unable to socially commit myself to a person. I don't know how to be romantic. I just imagine myself being awkward and embarrassing. At the same time, I can't say I wouldn't mind dating the guy. He's a fun fellow. Very happy.
Of course, I could be completely overreacting. He could have absolutely no intention of making anything serious out of it. I don't even know if I want to make something serious out of it. Of course, I don't have the kind of initiative to make the move myself. >.>
My point is that suddenly I have to think about relationships and dating. About how I look and how I act and if I'm being an adequate enough boyfriend. I'm more comfortable about the whole dating thing than I was in Freshman year, but I'm still very apprehensive about the whole thing.
If anything comes of this situation, I shall keep you updated. Because I know you're all so interested about my relationship status.