Feeling Overwhelmed (Disturbed) by Sick Fantasy

[Astro-Xana offline]

I have a case of severe depression. I play adventure games (such as Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, and also Sonic) in order to put positive stimulation in my empty life. The music in these types of games expressed the levels (environments) themselves. This is what opened up to me and gave me a sense of adventure. I felt as though it was meant to open up to me and understand and help my depression.

Now there was this animated series I used to watch known as "Eureka Seven." This show did not open up to me and help my depression. Because it was about a boy named Renton and a mystical girl named Eureka and their relationship. Their relationship did not relate to me as a person at all--it only related to themselves.

In other words, the show didn't open up to me and help my depression. Instead, it only related to itself. This gave me a sense of separation from the show since the very beginning I watched it.

This sense of separation is what lead to my ultimate despair when the music "Niji" was played in the last episode when Renton and Eureka kissed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QogrpiR2W8o

Starting at 1:49 is when I started feeling overwhelmed (spiritually inferior). With those racing images of a sick fantasy of Eureka combined with the music (which shows such passion beyond reality that it's sickening) makes it an overwhelming sick fantasy. And of course, the moment they kissed combined with the music overwhelmed me the most.

It expressed the characters themselves so powerful that it completely overwhelmed me with despair. Now you would think that if a normal person were to witness this whole scenario and its music, it would relate to some spiritual event in that person's life--and the person would feel that event expressed. However, for me, it relates to no event in my life--it only relates to the characters themselves and targets the very emptiness in my life.

This is what made me feel that the characters were spiritually superior to me and my own reality. If this piece of music wasn't used for Eureka and Renton and was initially instead used in reality (such as church), I would be able to embrace the music (since it would then be a part of reality).

I am unable to embrace the music because it expresses the world of Eureka and Renton--a completely separate world from reality that I feel is superior to me because of this music and that it was only meant to express the characters themselves--and not relate to my depression at all. Though characters are no more than drawings, when a theme music is applied for that character, this character becomes a living essence (in the world of fantasy).

I feel that Eureka and Renton are living essence in the world of fantasy superior to my own living essence and my own world of reality.

Now I can handle games and cartoons (fantasy) that relates to us as human beings. But when it only relates to the relationship of the characters themselves to such an emotional degree (fantasy love), that's when it's disturbing.

Another example is this video right here which is with Sonic and Amy (starting at 1:20 when it shows such passion with Amy crying):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8soKtrJppU

For the creators of Sonic (as well as the show Eureka Seven) to go off into a world separate from reality and put so much emotion into something that doesn't even exist (as though it really does exist), is messed up. Reality should and always reign supreme. There should never be this sick fantasy world in which reality is enhanced (such as the vivid colors of nature, tears flowing, etc.) that was meant to be intended as superior to reality, and only relates to the characters themselves (intended as something people would perceive as something above reality as well as his/her own self).

And why is it that I say that last part in parenthesis? We as human beings are of reality and face horrific darkness/problems every single minute of our lives. And yet...these characters (Sonic and Amy, Eureka and Renton) are portrayed in such a sick fantasy way that shows you that their very souls are completely free in "sunshine and rainbows" and not bound by any form of darkness. It, again, shows such passion beyond reality that it's sickening. This relates against us and makes us as human beings feel inferior--because we want something that, at the very least, relates to something normal in our lives--something that actually exists.






I have no love in my life. I have no friends and I hardly have any contact (involvement) with my family.

I recognize love as the superior force above everything else in this world (and when love is combined with fantasy, that makes it all the more powerful). So when I witnessed those events (with Eureka and Renton) and Amy crying in that Sonic and Amy video, I was completely overwhelmed with a superior god-like force not of this world--a force which completely "destroyed" me.

I recognize myself as inferior and complete emptiness itself. I experience no love in my life whatsoever and it's as if I have no life essence of my own (and that the life essence of this fantasy takes complete possession of me and deteriorates me until I am no more).

[Gauntlet offline]

Big post; I see you put a lot of thought into this. I think I can understand what you're saying. I'm going to be liberal with quotes and address what I can, but know that I'm not trying to refute or otherwise diminish the significance of your feelings by doing so.

I have a case of severe depression. I play adventure games (such as Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, and also Sonic) in order to put positive stimulation in my empty life. The music in these types of games expressed the levels (environments) themselves. This is what opened up to me and gave me a sense of adventure. I felt as though it was meant to open up to me and understand and help my depression.

A lot of people do this, and inherently, there is nothing wrong with a little escape. However,it's just that--an escape. I'll be frank and confess something that few people know: Since I was about 11 years old, I've been playing Final Fantasy XI, an online MMORPG, and I most likely fit the bill as "addicted." At first, I played almost all day and night after I got home from school, because I thought it was fun (and let me reiterate that, in moderation, a form of escape is always necessary on some level), though I didn't realize it's dual function as a means of retreat from real life--and it didn't dawn on me until a year ago (around my fifth anniversary of playing) that it was still a means of escape long after it was safe to come out. I was a kid, and I was dealing with some crippling issues, and if it wasn't for that game, I don't know where I'd be. It wasn't the healthiest option, but do I regret the time I spent on it? Not entirely; I was doing the best I could, and that was how I coped until I could face the problems on my own. Could other people in my situation have found different or healthier options to cope? Sure. Does that make me lesser for it? I don't think so.

I still play the game, but now I have a better handle on things, and there is always more improvement to come.

Now there was this animated series I used to watch known as "Eureka Seven." This show did not open up to me and help my depression. Because it was about a boy named Renton and a mystical girl named Eureka and their relationship. Their relationship did not relate to me as a person at all--it only related to themselves.

In other words, the show didn't open up to me and help my depression. Instead, it only related to itself. This gave me a sense of separation from the show since the very beginning I watched it.

This sense of separation is what lead to my ultimate despair when the music "Niji" was played in the last episode when Renton and Eureka kissed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QogrpiR2W8o

Starting at 1:49 is when I started feeling overwhelmed (spiritually inferior). With those racing images of a sick fantasy of Eureka combined with the music (which shows such passion beyond reality that it's sickening) makes it an overwhelming sick fantasy. And of course, the moment they kissed combined with the music overwhelmed me the most.

It expressed the characters themselves so powerful that it completely overwhelmed me with despair. Now you would think that if a normal person were to witness this whole scenario and its music, it would relate to some spiritual event in that person's life--and the person would feel that event expressed. However, for me, it relates to no event in my life--it only relates to the characters themselves and targets the very emptiness in my life.

This is what made me feel that the characters were spiritually superior to me and my own reality. If this piece of music wasn't used for Eureka and Renton and was initially instead used in reality (such as church), I would be able to embrace the music (since it would then be a part of reality).

I am unable to embrace the music because it expresses the world of Eureka and Renton--a completely separate world from reality that I feel is superior to me because of this music and that it was only meant to express the characters themselves--and not relate to my depression at all. Though characters are no more than drawings, when a theme music is applied for that character, this character becomes a living essence (in the world of fantasy).

I feel that Eureka and Renton are living essence in the world of fantasy superior to my own living essence and my own world of reality.

Now I can handle games and cartoons (fantasy) that relates to us as human beings. But when it only relates to the relationship of the characters themselves to such an emotional degree (fantasy love), that's when it's disturbing.

I think I can also grasp this concept. It used to bother me, too, when I looked at other people who were doing better than me in spite of similar situations; even now, I sometimes feel like I've missed many opportunities by being so absorbed by that online game, to the point where I feel like my experiences have somehow limited my worth. But like I said above, I don't think that makes me lesser of a person; yeah, I won't have many interesting stories to tell about my teen years, but I have experiences (both directly and indirectly) to draw from that. My experiences in life, and with that game, were just ways I invested in trying to help myself in the best way I knew how; I think the same can apply to you, your adventure games, and other pursuits, perhaps?

I have no love in my life. I have no friends and I hardly have any contact (involvement) with my family.

I recognize love as the superior force above everything else in this world (and when love is combined with fantasy, that makes it all the more powerful). So when I witnessed those events (with Eureka and Renton) and Amy crying in that Sonic and Amy video, I was completely overwhelmed with a superior god-like force not of this world--a force which completely "destroyed" me.

I recognize myself as inferior and complete emptiness itself. I experience no love in my life whatsoever and it's as if I have no life essence of my own (and that the life essence of this fantasy takes complete possession of me and deteriorates me until I am no more).

It is the absence of self-love that has affected you; finding a significant other will not inherently solve your problems. It is a given that you have been hurt, and may not have all the "spiritual experiences" that you so desire; it's not your fault, and it doesn't make you inferior. No one but you can make you feel inferior--in fact, no matter how negatively you perceive yourself, your worth is immeasurable and perfect, no matter how much you try to deny it.

It's not always easy to remind yourself that you've had it rough, and that it's okay if you haven't had all the experiences you've wanted. It took me a long time to accept that. Some people grow up surrounded by love, and some are not so fortunate; what matters is how you handle yourself. It must be lonely for you, but you've survived this long; you have the heart of a lion. The road to recovery can be harsh and often difficult to travel alone, but it is worth the struggle. I think you have some strong creative talents; perhaps you could channel that into writing or similar creative pursuits and meet new friends that way.


And as I'm writing this, it's 3:30AM, so I apologize if it's garbled or sloppy. I'll come back and edit this later if I need to clarify anything.

[TheLQ offline]

Me being in a depression myself (long story), separation from the world is key. Understand that what your going through is diffrent. Understand that what others go through, fictional or real, is not what your going through. If something affects you, use the last bit of control you have and just turn away with it.

Living in a hole is not negative, it can be good. You have most likely been greatly affected by something or someone. Try and get away from that person or where it happened. Try and find other things in real life that you can find enjoyment in. Don't be taken down by others, look at others and wish to be them, think your crap, etc. Once you have succeeded in detaching yourself from the world, enjoyment will come.

Take it as soon as you can. Don't wait like i did. It will only get worse.