meh

[Skorpigeist offline]

I figured that a rant on Lyoko Freak would make me feel better so here is a crack at it.

I am having a problem lately with being lazy. There are so many projects that I won't to get done, and I have yet to undertake. Most of these projects involve my "life" ( many of you would be familar with this, it is where your life extends only to you computer and the places that you vist online.) I want to do some creative things like make my own avatar, signature, and actually compile a profile. I know that this wouldn't be a problem for most people, but I want it to be my own personal touch, and I don't like asking for it to be done for me. It is a big pride thing that I have, and I feel bad that I have neglected it.

From a Code Lyoko Fan Creation perspective, I always get an idea, but either lack the time to finish, or I forget about it minutes later. I guess that would be the price I pay for having so many tinker toy subjects ( I am a big enthusaist of philosophy, history, computers,science, other shows, books). It also doesn't help that I have placed myself in every avaliable honor credit, and have to do all of the course work for it and then could care less about writing ( in fact, this is the first night in many, that I don't have hw). another compound on this is the fact that I am not doing as well in English as I would like. I got back a paper today with not even one good comment on it. This I can understand, but I have the type of teacher who tries to find at least one good thing about any paper. So that didn't do well for my confidence in my writing ability.

I have neglected my blogs. I can't even remember the last time I actually updated them. I figure they are there if I ever want to put something down, but I don't feel like it a lot of times. this becomes a strange irritation having something and not working on it.

another problem that I am having is that I am lacking a lot of inspiration to create once I think of something. The only thing I really want to do is stayed locked up in my room for 24-72 hours and just create/hack/build/ insert description of desire here. I have so many things I want to pursue. Of course that is nigh to impossible because of the fact that I am not allowed to shut my door, and I am constantly called by my parents. Another grate to that is the fact that I am 18 and will be going off to college in the next half year. Also my mother likes to pick at things and ask me about things I would rather not talk about at the current momment and then complains that I never want to talk to her. I don't mind, but after I come home, I would really like to chill for a few minutes and have a drink before I get asked about school.

I don't hate my school, but I am sick of everything attached to being a highschool student. I want a fresh start and to be around different people. I know that the drama itself will not change at the deepest level, but I want to be around different people and a different atmosphere. That is the blessing in me going to college at this current point.

Tied in with the last bit is the fact that I think my hometown is stagnating, and that I am begining to do the same. There is literally nothing to do here unless you want to get drunk, which is in my opinon not a good thing though I drink, or to do drugs which I do think is stupid. I am just ready for that change of scenery and that change of pace.

On top of all of this, is the fact that in general, people are grating on my nerves. I don't know why, because I don't hate anyone( hate is the opposite of love and so strong), but the general "norm" bothers me. Maybe I am again just sick of the routine. I just want a day where things can just flow and not seem like I am fighting through a current of bs to get to the gems of useful, practical, or interesting info.

I feel off kilter, and when that happens, all sorts of little things go wrong, and when the go wrong, I get really really strange and in a big slump and emotional backlash. It also seems to just drain me to the point of falling down from an exhaustion. I want to balance to come back. (by balance, I mean in a spiritual sense, and no I am not Christian, or any religion really, but that is a different story. If you are interested, feel free to pm me and I will lay out all the details of what I believe.)

And to throw a typical teenage problem as icing on the cake. there is a friend of mine that I have fallen for, but there are several things that prevent me from telling her how I feel.

1. I am a coward and really, really hate rejection and take it hard.

2. she is a freshmen, which is not a big deal in my eyes, but it is frowned upon where I live as well as by law in general.

3. I am leaving for college in 7 months.

4. her mother is a bit crazy and massively over protective and would not let her daughter hang out with me, which I don't necessairly blame her in principle. and of course

5. I don't think she would exactly be interested because she is the type that pretty much loves everyone and couldn't necessairly be with one person. ( by saying that I don't mean she is a slut or whore, but more that she is a kind caring soul who wouldn't tie themselves exclusively to one person.)

I probably will break down and tell her anyway, but the fact that I havent is sort of starting to eat at me. So that is my problems currently, any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated. the fact that you have probably read this means a lot to me and I am thankful for the people here at LF.

[DarkestSoul X21 offline]

And to throw a typical teenage problem as icing on the cake. there is a friend of mine that I have fallen for, but there are several things that prevent me from telling her how I feel.

Just tell her your feelings

[LadyChaos offline]

You probably live in a small town, don't you?
I did too. I felt sooo happy when I started college. Then I couldn't stand college, but that's a different story.
Sounds like all your school work is giving you a bit of burn-out. I've gotten that before too.
Just tough it out, when I was lacking creativity for writing, I stopped. After a couple of months, I've been writing like crazy. I've also been writing in a different setting than I was before, that may help you too.
And as for the girl, just tell her. It could do harm, but it could do a lot of good. Everything is like that.

[Chad Rains offline]

Re:LadyChaos

Actually when I lived in a small town (in particular, my old home town of Bristolville, Ohio pop. approximately 3500) I felt more attached to my school there and got along much better with people there and actually had a small group of friends I hung out with.

Moved to Warren, Ohio where im at now which is a more busy and bustling city with an approximate population of 45,000. I pretty much refused to make any friends and kept to myself. this was the case up till the final semester of my senior year when I had my beginning broadcasting class and it really brought me out of my "shell" and I easily became friends with those in the class.

[LadyChaos offline]

Re:LadyChaos

Actually when I lived in a small town (in particular, my old home town of Bristolville, Ohio pop. approximately 3500) I felt more attached to my school there and got along much better with people there and actually had a small group of friends I hung out with.

Moved to Warren, Ohio where im at now which is a more busy and bustling city with an approximate population of 45,000. I pretty much refused to make any friends and kept to myself. this was the case up till the final semester of my senior year when I had my beginning broadcasting class and it really brought me out of my "shell" and I easily became friends with those in the class.

I hated most of the kids I went to school with in West Jefferson, Ohio. They were idiots. Only a few of them ever did anything to endear themselves to me. The rest were just jerks.
I can understand liking the small town you lived in and the people you knew there, but I hope I never have need to go to WJ again except to visit my dad and brother who still live there.