1001 tips for ruling the world!

[ODDCHEEZY offline]

K. My friend sent me an email about how to take over the world. I want to see how you would take over the world. just make it clean!

EX: 1.Ask a five year old to help you create an evil plot. nobody can really remember what it's like at that age.

@. Instead of actually telling how your going to take over the world:
victim/Hero: "Are You going to tell me how you were able to pull it off?"
You: "no." You then shoot them so that they don't have a chance to think about how they're going to stop you.
*or something like that. I'd have to go look at the email. But you get the idea. funny or serious it doesn't matter.*

[yumi_shinoda offline]

2. make the world a better place
3. Clear poverty and pollution
4. Earn respects from the people
5. Do good deeds.

[HiddenWatcher offline]

6. Start a drama club where you can dazzle the audience with your brilliant monolouges every Tuesday night. That way you won't be tempted to monologue at the hero.

[Sithking Zero offline]

7. Everything you cartoon villians do (and I mean cartoon, not Anime. Those actually have some cool vilians), do the EXACT opposite.

[knifey offline]

8. Swallow your pride, until <I>after</I> you've taken over the world with no way for your power to be undermined/overthrown.

[Sithking Zero offline]

9. Instead of instructions reading, "position the twelve Emerald Scepters of Xenu in the cross formation in the place of bones in the twelveth house of venus under the light of the full moon," Set it up beforehand, so that they will simply read, "Push the button."

10. Rather than grab the bizzarely glowing artifact, shrieking demonic laughter, and holding it over your head, screaming, "THE POWER IS MINE!!!" grasp it with tongs, put it in an airtight, lead-lined plastic bag, and transfer it to a research facility for study.

11. Hire a 10-year old. If they can crack any secret codes you use in less than ten seconds, get a new code.

[Malkmusian offline]

12. Rock and roll hootchie koo.

[Sithking Zero offline]

13. Hire a tailor for my legions of evil. Just 'cause they're my waves of limitless dark troopers, doesn't mean they can't look good as well.

14. Be nice to EVERYONE. Less people will try and start a rebellion if they like you.

[Malkmusian offline]

15. Go to Contra Costa County and clean David Wills' house. From there, drive backwards to San Francisco and baffle Negativland on how you actually followed his demands.

16. Play an organ of hate.

17. Transform yourself into Uolith.

[HiddenWatcher offline]

18. Hang up motivational posters, throw parties, and get to know people personally. Make sure everyone in your organization likes each other, particularly in the top circles. Then when the heroes pull their 'power of friendship' move, duplicate it using way more people and watch the expression on their faces.

[Sithking Zero offline]

19. While your enemies are taking their ten-minute preachy speech about "Justice," and "Honor," shoot them. In the head, stomach, just shoot them.

20. The same for their five-minute-long transformation.

21. The same for their over-hyped attack.

[knifey offline]

22. Do not die.

[Sithking Zero offline]

23. Die, but leave a set of detailed plans on what to do after you die. No sense in letting your empire crumble as power-hungry warlords scrabble of scraps of land, you know?

[HiddenWatcher offline]

24. If you have children, spend plenty of time with them, get them involved in the family 'business', and retire at a reasonable age. That way no one gets overthrown and your empire of evil will live on after you. Just because you're evil doesn't mean you need to be a bad parent.

[TheLQ offline]

25. Possess all of the important leaders in the world, then use thier influence to slowly bring the world system down. Then become the hero by killing them all and "rescue" the planet

26. Create the death star from star wars. Hold the whole planet hostage, under threat of blowing it up.

27. Take the non violent approach. Spend most of your life getting into the big wigs. Become a leader. Become the head of The Group of 8. Then technically, your ruling the world

[yumi_shinoda offline]

28. Uphold justice.

[HiddenWatcher offline]

29. Instead of trying to take over the world in one fell swoop, slowly build up your power base making sure to never tackle anything while it's a threat to you.

30. Don't build one giant machine of death-build three and put them into completely different hiding places. Then fire.

[Boss Tamsy offline]

31. Do not make any stupid and obvious mistakes(i.e. leaving top secret plans in a place where somebody could get them, better yet, don't make any readable plans at all. Keep the plan in your head.
32. Don't forget the plan.
33. If you do forget. Make a new plan.
34. If in the conception of plan #2 you should remeber plan #1, do not completely give up on #2 set it aside.
35. Write George Bush's name in the deathnote.
36. Write Dick Cheney's name in the deathnote.
37. Find a deathnote before attempting 35/36

[Sithking Zero offline]

38. Construct a bunker capable of surviving a nuclear attack, with enough supplies to survive for ten years, all done by next april. Don't ask why, just do it.

39. DO NOT USE A DEATHNOTE. EVER. It just ends badly.
40. Destroy all deathnotes.
41. Make it a practice to have several people try to start rebellions against you per week. That way, when someone actually does try to do that, the populace will be so used to it that no one will react. That person will then be disposed of easily.

[HiddenWatcher offline]

42. Be very tough on crime and make sure the garbage gets picked up on time. The populace will think you're a mixed blessing.

[Sirocyl offline]

43. Start a computer company (see: Microsoft)
44. Get into the retail business (see: Walmart)
45. Become stupid; immediately following, become a politician (see: George Bush)
46. Follow the instructions that say "DO NOT FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS" on entries of Phrack Magazine and various hacker/anarchist texts from the '80s to the early '90s.
47. Draw something cute and take it to Japan (see: Hello Kitty)
48. Start a pyramid scheme disguised as a religion
49. Start a self-help tutorial disguised as a religion.
50. Start a pyramid scheme disguised as a self-help tutorial.
51. Repeat step 51.
52. Get caught by Disney's star search (see: whole bunch of examples, really)
53. Write a list of ways to take over the world.
54. Two words: Death Star.
55. Invent Lyoko and XANA; use them to aid in world domination
<s>56. Start a project to take over the world disguised as a Code Lyoko fan site (see: Lyoko Core)</s>
56. Get an army of anything, be it cyborgs, zombies, mutants or <s>Code Lyoko fans</s> kittens.

[HiddenWatcher offline]

54. b. Death Star without a vulnerable point.

[Boss Tamsy offline]

55.Give yourself a ficticious nickname before announcing yourself to the world(example: see L(deathnote) or Big Brother(1984)) and make it appear as though your HQ is really where you are, but in fact, you won't be there but be somewhere else remote.

[HiddenWatcher offline]

58. Create an anime that actually gives the fans everything they want (unless they want stupid things, of course).

59. Learn to bring dead people back to life. Then, when the hero shows up, offer to resurrect his dead parents/girlfriend/master/best friend/etc if he promises to just forget about the vengeance thing and go away.

60. If there are any children, elderly, or ridiculously fragile looking people on the battlefield, feel free to assume they are the greatest threat and focus all your attacks on them.

61. Remember that there is only one way to defeat a giant robot-with another giant robot of about equal size painted with brighter colors and with a wackier crew. But keep a number of back-up options in reserve. If the enemy transforms, you need to be able to do an even cooler transformation.

[yumi_shinoda offline]

62. Stop all the Wars!!! Peace!